Detachment

For longer than I care to admit, Buddhism seemed to me like a somewhat depressing religion. Life is suffering, and unless you can train your mind to not hold on to any sort of attachments, and learn accept the whole of everything as it is, suffering is all there is.

As I learned more about it, I began to feel more of a draw to Buddhism because the reverence for life, commitment to non-violence -and at some level the idea of karma- fit well with some of the Pagan beliefs that had become meaningful in my life. On top of that, seated meditation looked so peaceful, and the idea of feeling a certain peace rather than a constant barrage of feelings, emotions, thoughts, and inner dialogue sounded like the magic cure for all unhappiness. The idea that this could come from a belief that began with “life is suffering” fascinated me.

Indeed, the first of the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism is the Truth of suffering, or that suffering exists. The interesting thing is, those are translations, and the English language doesn’t always have words to describe concepts for which most Westerners have no cultural reference.  This is the case with the word “suffering” in the Noble Truths. The Sanskrit and Pali term used is Dukkha, which has no single equivalent in English. The most commonly used of course is “suffering”, but other corresponding English words are: uneasy, dissatisfaction, unhappiness, stress, and frustration. Once I learned that, I had to agree, suffering is everywhere. Dukkha happens.

Meditation seems easy enough, right? You just sit there and allow thoughts to come and go. It’s the practice that teaches calming of the mind, and it is the ultimate in “don’t judge a book by its cover” examples. It may look like peaceful sitting, but if you haven’t tried it, let me tell you- It’s HARD! No matter what I’m sitting on, my legs ache, my back gets sore, and it’s the only time that I ever think that maybe I might need a little more “junk in my trunk”.

And that’s just the physical aspect- the real work is going on inside. Buddhists often compare the mind to a monkey- constantly chattering and hopping around from branch to branch, topic to topic- sometimes completely zoning out and at others obsessing over this or that. Meditation calms the monkey mind by making it one-pointed rather than scattered and distracted. This comparison really helped me understand the need for meditation… but I have to say that trying to tame my mind still feels a little bit like trying to dress a cat.

This is not to say that I have not had moments of inner peace; however, in order to recognize them, I needed to really think about what inner peace might even feel like. At one time I thought that feeling inner peace meant the ability to block out the rest of the world- all of the activity and chaos and the extremes of pain and pleasure. That experiencing peace meant separation from the rest of the world in some way.

But I’ve come to realize that peace can be felt at any time- it’s more about being fully present in the moment; not thinking about that presentation coming up, or that project deadline that just slipped by, or what to make for dinner… but for just a few moments absorbing the smell of the breeze after it rains, or noticing the hundreds of shades of purple in the sky at twilight, or allowing the joy of time with a loved one to draw tears.

It’s about accepting this life and all of its aspects as life. The ideas of “good” and “bad” become far too subjective to be of any practical use. In other words, things aren’t intrinsically good or bad, those are judgments based on perspective. Immediately following the attacks of 9/11, I received numerous emails containing stories of people who should have been at work in one of the towers that morning, but because they missed the train, or couldn’t find an important paper, or because one of the kids couldn’t seem to get his shoes tied- they weren’t at the office when the planes struck. Any other day, those delays might have been contributed to a “bad” morning.

 I have a digital postcard that helps me put things into perspective. It’s a picture of a boy sitting atop a pile of books. The message says “whenever work starts to feel overwhelming, just remember that you’re going to die.” I attempted one day to share this idea with a co-worker, and the reaction was certainly not one of feeling comfort. She said it sounded so depressing. So I put some different words around the idea- “whatever happens today, whatever you don’t get done, or whatever doesn’t go as well as you’d hoped, nuclear subs are not sinking because of it.” This gave her the perspective she needed to “stop sweating the small stuff”, and to realize that it’s pretty much all small stuff.

Buddha’s stories teach that change is the nature of everything and is one of the few indisputable constants in life. By definition it is movement from the known to the unknown, and as humans, we tend to fear the unknown, making us resistant. but the fact is that change will happen no matter what we do- Buddhist stories teach that accepting this is key on the path to enlightenment.

The biggest struggle I have with allowing change is that sometimes- ok often- I think that I like things the way they are. I’m fine with change, as long as things mostly stay the same. Turns out Buddha had a suggestion of how to deal with that, too.

Let go of this idea that anything ever even mostly stays the same. Everything changes, sometimes in ways that are visible, sometimes in ways that are not. Everything changes, and because everything is interconnected, I will change and I will be changed.

Letting go is also an idea that I misunderstood for some time. I interpreted this idea of detachment as a disconnection, or somewhat of a creation of numbness. But what I’ve found is that detachment can allow for more moments of peace. I’m more able to be fully present when I’m not attached to expectations of what the next moment may or may not bring. I’m more able to adapt to change if I’m not tied judgments about if the change is good or bad. I’m happier when I don’t dwell on the misfortunes of the past. I’ve been able to calm myself from nearly overwhelming emotions by letting go of the emotions, seeing them as part of me for the moment, but not defining who I am. When I do this, I’m able to allow myself to be amazed that my mind is capable of creating such intense experiences. It’s not easy, but just trying seems to help suck the momentum from some of the emotional thrill rides of a high-stress job, two kids, and life in general. Detachment is knowing when to let go.  

 Originally delivered 5.2011 at the Unitarian Fellowship of Lawrence

The Power of Prayer

When Jonathan and I were planning this service, we sent a flurry of text messages back and forth to each other exploring different aspects of the idea of “prayer”.  Somewhere in the midst of this, one of the members of my household required a trip to the emergency room (don’t worry, everyone’s fine). I texted Jonathan to let him know, and make sure he was taking care of getting our summary to the newsletter and the website.  He replied that he was, and that, “no pun intended” he was “praying for me”.

His words did not evoke an intellectual response like “oh? And to whom are you praying? What exactly do you expect he/she/it to do for me?”, but rather- as one would probably expect- an emotional response-  I found his words to be an expression of comfort and support.  No more needed to be said, other than my “thank you”.

This time of year- a time traditionally of prayer and Thanksgiving, has many asking: what DOES prayer mean to Unitarian Universalists, who tend to ask “to whom are you praying, and what exactly do you expect he/she/it to do?”  Does prayer have any place in UU Spirituality, and what, if any, power does it hold?

I love words. Words paint pictures, words evoke emotion- words can make you laugh or make you cry. Words have power. And finding just the right word or combination of words to create a mood, or provoke a reaction or evoke a specific response when conveying a message can feel like an accomplishment beyond all others.

On the other end of the spectrum, words can become a source of pain or frustration, with how they are used and their deeply held meanings- as Jonathan mentioned earlier. They can also be overused. Settled couples know this well- “Love you” becomes a standard farewell, almost meaning “see you later”.

·         “Honey, I’m running to the store to grab some milk”

·         “alright, hon, love you!”

·         “Going to bed now”

·         “ok, good night kids, love you”

·         (you get the idea)

“I’m praying for you” seems to have in some ways, joined in with those phrases that are said but not really thought about, like “love you”, “bless you”,  “let’s do lunch”,  … We all know what they mean, but little thought is given before they are spoken.  It’s somehow more of an acknowledgement than a true meaningful connection- “I’m going through a really hard time right now” “ooh, so sorry to hear that. I’ll be praying for you”. Aw, thanks. I feel loved.

Yet, somehow when Jonathan had told me he was praying for me, it had meant something. Why?

When we started to explore this topic, Rev. Jill sent Jonathan and me a list of resources and references, from blog postings, to articles,  to other sermons. I confirmed in a phone call yesterday that when she sent this, she knew very well that I would be thinking “Get out of your head, Jill!” This was WAY too much head stuff!

Up to that point I had pretty much thought that prayers were merely words designed to evoke a particular response, or convey a particular message. If that were true, then why were Jonathan’s words as I sat in the ER more meaningful than say “random co-worker”?

What makes a prayer spiritual?

Does it matter to whom the prayer is directed? Do I really NEED an expectation of what he/she/it might be able to do? Is there really any documented scientific evidence of the power of prayer? Does prayer affect energy? Is it the words used? Does it need to be spoken aloud? Does it have to be a prayer or does meditation count? Does a prayer have to be meaningful or can it be a wish? If it is a wish, does that make it any less meaningful? Does it matter who delivers the prayer?

 I could almost hear Jill:

Get out of your head, Heather.

So I sat and meditated- dare I say prayed?- about it, and I decided that for me, trying to define prayer is trying to define the undefinable.

 Prayer is communication from the soul. It is primal.  It is the reaching out of one soul to another, the deepest expression of the soul- in pain, in desperation, in gratitude, in empathy, in joy.  To some extent it’s the exposing of raw emotion.

It can be an expression of reaching outside of oneself, acknowledging that there is something bigger than the individual- to some that is God, other’s it’s a unity of consciousness.

I’m feeling that the emotional place where we are when pray is such a deep and primal place, so unique to the individual experience that by its nature others cannot share that. But that does not mean that you need to be alone. The ability to offer a prayer is to offer a possibility. A possibility for a change, a possibility to be heard, a possibility for a celebration. Prayer is the ultimate message in a bottle- recipient unknown and unimportant. I’m baring my soul. Find me. Connect.

When we pray for another, quite often we could have no way to know what they are feeling. Yes, we may have some idea based on our experiences, but we cannot really KNOW. Our prayers for others are our attempts to let them know that they are not alone.

Each fall I see the Prayer for Schoolchildren who feel different by Rev. Meg Riley make its rounds in

various ways.

For those who are different, or who feel different—

Who learn differently, think differently, feel differently,

Who look different, whose faith is different, whose family is different,

Whose way to connect is different, whose way to dress is different,

Whose faith is different, whose place to live is different,

Whose sexuality is different, whose gender is different,

Whose culture is different, whose language is different,

Whose favorite foods are different, who loves different smells,

Whose body looks different, or works differently

Whose values and beliefs are different--

Do you see that different is just a word?

May you be freed from its poison.

Different: Just an idea laced with fear,

Don’t let it scare you.

A word expressing lack of imagination by those who use it to judge,

Don’t let it limit your own.

They can’t see that difference is the very essence of life,

The opposite of different isn’t normal; it is death.

Don’t let their sharp thorns kill your true self.

As the school doors open again,

May you walk in safety,

With all of your unique loveliness intact,

Knowing you are loved by people who haven’t even met you yet.

People you see and don’t see,

Your closest friends and family, and people who will never meet you,

All hold you in our hearts.

We need every bit of you as we walk our own different paths.

As the summer days end,

May you find the long days’ bright light

Shining in your mind as you learn.

As you go out on this crazy river, this life

Where you will navigate choppy waters, take new turns,

May you know in your bones you are never alone.

As you search for a place of ease and comfort,

May you know in your cells that it lives within you.

And that people who love you are everywhere smiling.

What the heck?!

How is this even a prayer? It’s not addressed to anyone, and it doesn’t end with “Amen”.

It’s a wish. A very, very, deep wish for someone else.

Throughout the prayer, the words are powerful, yet almost not enough to fully convey the depth. I can

almost hear the aching lack of the ability for words to fully convey the expressions of the soul with the

line “may you know in your bones you are never alone”, and “may you know in your cells” still does not

even quite describe the true depth of the emotion hinted at, but unable to be captured, in this prayer.

A couple of weeks ago, Rev. Jill talked about the stages of religion, and one of them was characterized by  the ability to  pray to a personal god, while intellectually believing one does not exist (I’m paraphrasing of course). I wonder if this is possible because the power of prayer is not the “to whom”, it’s the “from whence”.

So pray to God, pray to Allah, to the flying spaghetti monster, to Mary, to John, Paul, George, or Ringo. I don’t believe they are who you are really praying to. Prayer is the opening of a soul to another. It is the opening of one soul to receive.

So ultimately, what is the power of prayer?

 I believe the power of prayer is hope.

In closing, we offer you this prayer for self from His Holiness the Dalai Lama:

                                             May I become at all times, both now and forever

A protector for those without protection

A guide for those who have lost their way

A ship for those with oceans to cross

A bridge for those with rivers to cross

A sanctuary for those in danger

A lamp for those without light

A place of refuge for those who lack shelter

And a servant to all in need.

May peace be with you.

originally delivered 11.27.2011 at the Unitarian Fellowship of Lawrence

You've Got to be Carefully Taught

I was watching the news one day- something I rarely do, as I tend to find myself overwhelmed with the glorification of negativity- and I saw video of children as young as toddlers holding signs reading ‘god hates fags’ and “ hooray for war” at funerals, while older children chanted similar slogans alongside their parents.  I’ve seen “onesies” for babies with the words “Stop illegal immigration, defend our borders” emblazed on them, as if these 3 month olds have any idea what message they are sending. The makers at least made it “kid friendly” by placing a drawing of a baby elephant next to it, of course proudly waving the American flag in its trunk.  Tim Dingus (One of the Young Adult Youth here at UFL) has a T-Shirt that I had wanted to borrow from him to wear for this service that states “No one is BORN a bigot”- no, you’ve got to be carefully taught.

Now, we don’t often (if ever) see pictures of UU children holding signs spewing hate, but it occurred to me that the parents I see as hateful are merely passing on their values, what they believe is right; similar to our children standing in front of the courthouse holding signs for war to end or proclaiming peace.  They are there because we have taught them that is what is right. This got me thinking about what the messages are that our children are receiving.

Every year, the department I work for participates in the “Adopt-a-Child” program for Christmas.  One of the children I was shopping for this year asked only for an African American doll.  I went to Wal-Mart thinking that I could just go to the “pink” aisle and find a doll.  There was not a single baby doll (or ANY doll for that matter) there with a skin color other than white.  I asked the nearest worker if they had any African American dolls- he played along and asked “what kind of doll?”  When I answered “ANY!” he quickly responded with “No.  We don’t have any”.  Both of my kids had African American dolls as children, but those were passed down from other older kids, I’d never shopped specifically for one.  I was disappointed with the Lawrence Wal-Mart for this and I wondered how difficult it is for kids who are not white to find dolls that look like them.    Of all the disappointment I felt, I think the most was with myself- because until that moment, I had never noticed that there are not dolls of every color gracing our store shelves.

This past presidential election was momentous and historical, as we are aware, and I was quite glad that the school my kids attend is exposing them to more about the process, as well as information about those running for office; I don’t remember that from when I was a kid- of course it could be that it didn’t matter so much to me then.   The names “Obama, McCain, Clinton, and Palin” were commonly used in our home, our kids were familiar with who these people were, to an extent what their political message was, and why this was such a historical election. As the election drew nearer, my son, Alex, and I were talking one day and- to my horror- he mentioned that he knew it was “not right”, but that he “wouldn’t feel comfortable voting  for a  black man”. His father and I are fairly certain we know where this came from, and I had a brief “discussion” with Alex about how that was not ok…, there was really nothing to discuss, this view is simply not accepted in our house.

Marta Caminero-Santangelo gave a reflection several months ago that has stayed with me ever since- and in fact was a large part of my inspiration for this service.  In that reflection she talked about the commandment “Love thy neighbor as thyself” (this is in fact specifically referred to in the statement of the sources from which we draw our Living Tradition).  Jesus did not teach to “love thy neighbor- unless…..” or “Love thy neighbor if...”, “See what your neighbor is like and love thy neighbor if said neighbor agrees with how you think and live and the executive board approves…” not even “if you don’t like what your neighbor has to say at least be civil”.  There are no “if’s, and’s, or but’s”- the commandment is to LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR.   It was, in fact, “written in stone”.

As a formal congregational supporter in the interfaith Immigration Justice Advocacy Movement we have formally pledged that “we stand together in our faith that everyone, regardless of national origin, has basic common rights, including but not limited to:  1- livelihood; 2-family unity; and 3-physical and emotional safety”.  This parallels quite nicely with our first principle of the Inherent worth and dignity of every person.

I once read a quote from Bill Brummel, a documentary filmmaker whose programs focus on human rights issues, on the back of a cup of Starbucks-“ Imagine we are all the same.  Imagine we agree about politics, religion, and morality.  Imagine we like the same types of music, art, food, and coffee.  Imagine we all look alike.  Sound boring?  Differences need not divide us.  Embrace diversity.  Dignity is everyone’s human right.” 

The discussion I had with my son regarding race during the election was pretty clear cut, and I think that since he was merely repeating what he had heard someone say, he saw why I felt there is a problem with this thinking, and he did not express any sort of similar view for the rest of the election season- he began to talk about the things that the candidates believe rather than the physical appearance- I suppose I am actually fortunate about that considering some of the concerns I expressed regarding the ages of the candidates.  What left me speechless, however, was when, on our way to All Soul’s in Kansas City a couple of weeks ago, Alex mentioned in a very casual way that he was “afraid there might be Christians there since it has the word ‘church’ in its name”.

Now, in my strong “anti-religion” days, I am sure I said things that I am not overly proud of now.  Since making the choice to be a Unitarian Universalist, however, I’ve taken the principle that we affirm and support a “free and responsible search for truth and meaning” very seriously.  Everyone has their own Truth, and many paths have been taken to lead those in our UFL community here.  Every Truth is valid, even those Truths with which I do not find personal meaning. 

In the first reading today Diego read the seven principles that we, as member congregations of the UUA, agree to affirm and promote.  When I made the choice to join Unitarian Universalism, it was these principles that drew me to the faith, and I could feel good about my kids being taught these.  No “commandments”, no “Do this, don’t do that” in arcane language that required explanation and years of study to understand; these were pretty clear.  Or so I thought, until you get to number 3 (if you refer to them in the order in which they are printed- no stone tablets here!), about supporting spiritual growth in our congregations.   Talk about vague! How do we do THAT?

As UUs we are open and accepting to all faiths and generally use words like “some people believe…” when we are talking to our children.  It is important to preface or follow these statements with “what I believe…”, Do your children and the children in the UFL community know what you believe?  Do the adults, for that matter?  In our attempt to be tolerant, do we merely skim the surface- or do we make the effort to go beyond tolerance and embrace acceptance by learning about what others believe and why they believe it?  Do our children see this, hear this?  The answer to these questions of course will be different for each of us, but I urge you to consider them.

“Everybody’s Free (to wear sunscreen)” was an editorial originally published in the Chicago Tribune and later made into a song of sorts.  It begins with the advice to the graduating class of 1997 to “wear sunscreen…  The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. …”  UU’s put a lot of stock in scientific evidence, in proof, but do we put as much in our own meandering experience?    The first listed of the sources from which we draw is “direct experience of that transcending mystery and wonder”- do we share with our kids, our direct experience, or do we teach them only what science has proven?

I once saw a Simpsons episode in which the children (Bart and Lisa), and Homer (the “father”[using the term loosely here]) are thrilled about the moment they come home from church because it is the furthest point from “more church”.  They run into the house rejoicing, throwing their ties and jackets and the rest of their “Sunday best” on the floor as they frolic in the happiness of the moment.  The kids are clearly not getting the message about what coming together on Sunday is all about- and of course they are not, because it’s not being sent. Homer is right there with them, celebrating the fact that they now don’t have to behave the way they are expected to at church.

I was talking to friend who grew up Unitarian Universalist, and found out that she didn’t know about the seven principles until came to UFL as an adult.  As UU parents, are we teaching them to our children, or really hoping that’s what the kids are learning in the 9:15 RE?  As adults in the community, are we modeling these principles?

We, as adults, have the responsibility to exemplify the behavior we want the children to emulate; this includes commitment to community. The principles of UU’ism are important enough for many of us to sign a book and agree to join a community; to commit to a community. As UU youth, our children make (or will make) that decision for themselves; they are not automatically members of the UUA just because their parents are.  We need to teach and model for them why we chose this faith. Are the seven principles things that we talk about and live all week, or just on “Just Food” Sundays, or “LINK” Saturdays? How are we supporting others in our UFL community, or our community as a whole, in the search for truth and meaning; are we doing our part to make progress toward a goal of a world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all?   I was discussing the theme for this service with a member and friend who told me, “The point I want the kids to get at UFL is that this is a community and we come together to be as a community - learning, struggling with issues, and supporting each other. You don't just come when you think you will be fulfilled by what someone has to say, but you come together to be enriched by the "being together."

It’s more of a challenge than we admit, to live by the principles and values that we want our children and youth to learn and embrace- perhaps one of the reasons we want so badly for them to learn these things is because we have not yet, or struggle to?  Or perhaps it is because we have embraced them and found them to be powerful in our own lives.

Here’s the good news:   we don’t have to teach children to love or to be accepting- they already “get” it.

In fact, it would probably be more effective for us to unlearn some of OUR habits. You’ve got to be carefully taught- because it is not natural for children to hate.  LOVE is their natural state.  Watch them when the kids serve at LINK, or collect food in front of Hy-Vee- the joy they take in helping is so pure that it radiates from them.  They do not judge the people who need help- it does not occur to them to care how the people got where they are- if they are alcoholic, or gambled away their home, whether  the person asking for a second cookie was laid off or just ‘stopped going’ to work. 

Lt. Gen. William G. Boykin is credited as saying “Kill ‘em all and let God sort ‘em out”- children naturally see just the opposite- “LOVE them all and let God sort it out”.  It is not our place to judge, and while it seems easy enough to teach our children that they do not have the life experience to judge others, … who are we to?  Do we gossip over coffee?  We obviously have opinions on various aspects of the state of the world- when we discuss them, do we do so with the intention of finding a way to come together and make a difference for the better, or do we express our thoughts as judgments against those who are expressing theirs? 

There I go with the inherent dignity and acceptance of others again.

I once heard the saying, “Ten positive actions can be undone by one negative.”  Parents everywhere can attest to the truth in this statement- the years spent trying to teach children not to say certain words or phrases that they hear on TV or at school can be undone in an instant when you drop the box of books you are moving on your foot and THAT WORD escapes your mouth before you can stop it… 

It is the nature of children to want to be like their parents or other adults in their lives. “Do as I say, not as I do” – we understand the futility of this thinking , yet,  I know I have caught myself saying something similar (though not as obvious!) or thinking it many, many times so far in my short experience with parenthood.

This summer the kids and I were driving home and saw four little kittens just off of the main highway and county road that we take to get to our house. I spent a lot of time trying to convince myself and the kids that the kittens belonged to a house up the driveway (half a mile long- yeah, right).  Finally, my daughter Bri said “MOM, we have to do the right thing!”  I remember thinking, “yeah, NOW we do!”  Kids will call you on it if you are not living up to the values that you expect from them.  The emperor was wearing no clothes.

Rev. Lisa Swartz, in a recent sermon, referred to the UU ability to ‘boil the mystery and majesty out of any mythic tale.’  Children feel (rather than just think), as do many of the rest of us. Let’s try not to boil the mystery out of life when we interact with kids.  It is also important that we do not speak of those who embrace the magic and mystery of the unknown (or even the known) as though they are somehow less; less intelligent, less cultured, less developed….. less anything.  How do we talk to kids- our own and other’s? Do we speak to them as equal and deserving of our respect, or do we not use ‘big words’ around them, or share anything that could possibly be too deep or emotional?

 “If” is a very powerful word.  It really should be bigger.  When I first was forced to memorize the poem “IF” in Jr. High School, it was presented as a poem of fatherly advice, and I thought of it as such until I was writing for today. (I do still think it is a good poem and the following thoughts have not diminished its meaning to me in the least.)  That being said, it occurred to me that there are a lot of expectations presented there- and heck if I myself can live up to more than a few of them. So if this type of thing is what we are teaching our ‘sons’, are any of them thinking ‘what if I can’t?’, or ‘what if I don’t?’ will that make him less of a man, would that mean that we will love him any less? Of course not, and to a logical adult, this line of thinking is absurd- however this is how many children view the world; developmentally, they do not think in the same way as adults and are only learning to do so.  They worry (sometimes unconsciously, sometimes very consciously) that “if I don’t live up to your expectations/behave in a way in which you want me to, you will no longer love me.”  I remember my son explaining at one time that ‘grown- ups don’t cry’; how difficult it must be for him to be growing up thinking that at some point he will either no longer cry- or will no longer feel anything so deeply that it could cause him to weep.  I made the resolution to myself at that time that I would allow him to see me respond to emotion more often, that I would allow him to know me as a person, rather than just the role of “mom”.

Julia Cameron writes that “We are intended to guide our children, and yet their varying needs guide us through our own maturation.” 

I’ve talked to countless other parents about being a parent, and one common statement I hear is that “you learn SO much from your kids!”  so true.

One of the sages from the Mishna is quoted as: May you be covered in the dust of your Rabbi.

The word rabbi loosely translated of course means “great teacher”, and this wish is clearly such that ‘may you follow your teacher so closely that you are always covered in his (her) dust’… or something along those lines.

As UU’s, we tend to think that we should not be covered in anyone’s dust, I mean, if you’re not the lead dog the view never changes, right?

We think that our children are covered in our dust.  They follow us so closely we sometimes cannot even see them unless we turn around quickly.  Someday they will join us (we hope) along the front line, arm and arm, standing for justice, equality, and peace, our superhero capes flapping in the wind, as we boldly look to the future…

Until then, I wish for our community that we may we be covered in the dust of OUR rabbis, the smallest and youngest ones, the greatest teachers.

 May it be So.

My closing words today come from the song “Children will listen” from the musical “into the woods”:

Careful the things you say
Children will listen
Careful the things you do
Children will see and learn
Children may not obey, but children will listen
Children will look to you for which way to turn
To learn what to be
Careful before you say "Listen to me"
Children will listen
…..

What can you say that no matter how slight won't be misunderstood?
What do you leave to your child when you're dead?
Only whatever you put in its head
Things that your mother and father had said
Which were left to them too
Careful what you say
Children will listen
Careful you do it too
Children will see

May Peace Be with you.

Originally delivered 12.2008 at the Unitarian Fellowship of Lawrencce

Every Day is a New Beginning

From the Teachings of Buddha: Blossoms come about because of a series of conditions that lead up to their blooming.  Leaves are blown away because a series of conditions lead up to it.  Blossoms do not appear independently, nor does a leaf fall of itself, out of its season.  So everything has its coming forth and passing away; nothing can be independent without any change.  It is the everlasting and unchanging rule of this world that everything is created by a series of causes and conditions and everything disappears by the same rule; everything changes, nothing remains constant.

Last year at about this time, I visited my grandmother in the assisted living facility where she lives in Colorado.   She had Alzheimer’s -…every day, sometimes every moment was a new beginning for her. 

I read a book recently in which the author noted that before his aunt passed she had Alzheimer’s, but that when he would visit her she would be present and lucid- he stated this was because that was what he expected.   This was part of his belief that what we perceive to be reality is entirely created by what we think or expect.  While I personally hold this belief to be true to some extent, I know that- especially after visiting my Grandmother in her final year- this is certainly not a universal truth.  Nobody expects the changes in personality and behavior that come about from Alzheimer’s.  Yes, of course, we have some idea because of the research and what we read of other’s experiences with the disease, but I do not believe that my Grandmothers mind was in the state it was in, or that she behaved as she did because she, or my mother, or anyone else in our family for that matter “expected” that she would become delusional, hallucinate, and forget large pieces of her life and experience.  She would become quite confused, and there were nights when my mother got almost no sleep due to the calls either from Grandma, or from the facility where she lived.  While we all know that at some point there is the likelihood that children will become the caretakers of their parents, the level of confusion and vulnerability is not something that I believe is often anticipated, much less present because it is expected.

In the movie, “the Notebook”, one of the main characters, Ally, spends the majority of the movie listening to what seems to her to be a wonderful and at times slightly familiar story; she is present in the moment for only a few minutes- then suddenly becomes terrified because all at once she does not know who she is, and is in suddenly unfamiliar surroundings.

The experiences of my Grandmother and others with severe memory loss painfully illustrate the extreme of what all of us feel- when it’s time to venture into the unknown, when we don’t know what is going to happen, we get scared.

The future is unknown. We are all afraid of the unknown, its human nature.  Unlike Alzheimer’s patients who not only do not know what the future holds, but have ‘lost’ their past (or portions of it), most of us have the benefit of being able to draw on our experiences for strength and a certainty of sorts.

We run into problems, however, when we hold on to that past because it is known, because it is familiar, and refuse to let go and change. It feels very good right here, thank you very much! Cycles of abuse and violence are so hard to break because those who are involved hold on to what is familiar; they perpetuate the cycle because it ‘feels like home’.

Change is the thing that we simultaneously crave the most and also fear the most.  Most of our fear comes from personal insecurity.  If things change, where will I fit in?  What if I don’t like the new way?

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said, “All things must change to something new- something strange”.
Change is strange.  We are creatures of habit. Have any doubt about this? When you put on your shoes tomorrow, try putting on the left first, instead of the right- or sleeping on the other side of the bed tonight, or changing some other seemingly minor pattern of your daily life.  It will probably feel like something is “off”- you may not even be able to sleep if you are not on the side of the bed you usually sleep on.  A habit can be created in a relatively short period of time- sometimes a matter of days or weeks, but it can take YEARS to break one!  Of course anything new is going to feel strange!

James Baldwin said that “Most of us are about as eager to be changed as we were to be born, and go through our changes in a similar state of shock.”

Change makes you vulnerable.  The “old life” and the safety it contained, has been set aside or put to the past, and the safety of the new life is not established.  The transition between the two feels threatening and scary.

Change means movement, and if we take a spiritual lesson from the physical world, what does movement create? Friction.  Change is not something that is meant to be convenient.
Change creates friction and friction creates change. 

But Change is constant and a necessary part of life.  We can’t control change, and if we try to, we end up with less than stellar results. Take crop rotation as an example. I’m not just talking about the acres and acres of corn and soybeans that you see around here-- anyone who has had a vegetable garden for any period of time understands the importance of crop rotation.  In 12 Lessons on life I learned from my garden, the author explains, “If, year after year you plant the same vegetables in the same place and don’t rotate your crops, your harvest will prove to you the error of your ways.  Disease will abound, nutrients once there will have been exhausted by past crops, and the fruits of your labor will be shadows of those past.” if you keep planting in the same spot, year after year, you will stop growing. 

Rain falls, winds blow, plants bloom, leaves mature and are blown away.  This is the way of the world.
We can’t control change. It WILL happen.

As we welcome the new we must surrender the old- this is the hardest thing for some to do.   Some of us have a hard enough time cleaning out closets and drawers or sorting papers; much less letting go of past pain or even fondness.  It is tempting to try to hold on to what was, even after it is gone, but things are meant to change, and without endings there would be no beginnings.  Accept appropriate endings.

One of the stories in the Teachings of Buddha is about a man on a long journey who came to a river.   He said to himself, “this side of the river is very difficult and dangerous to walk on, and the other side seems easier and safer, but how shall I get across?”  So he built a raft out of branches and reeds and safely crossed the river.  Then he thought to himself: “this raft has been very useful to me in crossing the river; I will not abandon it to rot on the bank, but will carry it along with me.”  And thus he voluntarily assumed an unnecessary burden. 

In order to grow and to change, we must let go of things, even good things, once they are no longer useful or beneficial in our lives.

It is possible to excuse away anything, to find an excuse for anything, to justify anything.  When I worked in an outpatient clinic, one of the nurses was talking about how she had always wanted to go to medical school and become a physician.  When asked why she didn’t, she explained that she had spent so much of her life getting to where she was, that if she were to begin to pursue a medical degree she would be nearly 50 by the time she would be able to practice medicine.  One of the resident physicians asked her, “How old will you be in that time if you DON’T do it?”
The nurse had used this as an excuse for so long that until that moment she had not seen that it was just an excuse.  The real reason she didn’t start back to school was because she was scared.  She hadn’t been to a college class in nearly 20 years and would possibly be one of the older students in her classes.  She would have no idea what to expect.  She was a successful nurse; if she were to start something new, there was the chance she could fail.  Fear of failure is a huge block in our ability to even try to change.

One of the easiest things to do when you think about change is to worry.  Worry helps us make up excuses and reasons not to start something new.  The problem is that the things you worry about aren’t going to be the things that decide success or failure. The things that will are the things that come out of the blue and blindside you on some mild May afternoon.  And no matter how much you worry, change will happen.  I doubt there are too many tulips that worry that they will bloom in the spring.  One of my favorite quotes is from Mary Schmich of the Chicago Tribune:
 “Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.”

It is said that you can’t step in the same river twice.  Sure, you can give the river a name, but it is not the same water which flows through it.  It takes different twists and turns, new stones and sand are carried along, changing the shape and the depth; other creatures (beavers, humans) alter the flow of the water.  In the same way, you are not the same person from day to day.  You have had experiences that have shaped you.  Old cells have died off and been replaced by new ones.  The past no longer exists, except as memories stored somewhere in our consciousness- and those, as we know, are not permanent by far.

“Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it.  Action has magic, grace, and power in it”, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe tells us. When we are willing to be beginners, the world is filled with adventure.  Tillie Olsen puts it as, “unused capacities atrophy, cease to be.”

Dr. Seuss wrote a wonderful book called “Oh, the Places You’ll Go”.  In it, he describes a place he calls “a most useless place”- it’s “the waiting place”.  It is “for people just waiting.  Waiting for a train to go, or a bus to come or a plane to go, or the mail to come, or the rain to go, or the phone to ring, or the snow to go, or waiting around for a Yes or No, or waiting for their hair to grow.  Everyone is just waiting.”  They are “waiting for the fish to bite, or waiting for wind to fly a kite, or waiting around for Friday night, or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake, or a pot to boil, or a better break, or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants, or a wig with curls, or another chance.  Everyone is just waiting.”

Don’t get stuck in “the waiting place”.  If you are in the waiting place, it’s time to get out.  Tomorrow is a new beginning.  “You have brains in your head and feet in your shoes, you can steer yourself any direction you choose.”  It will be scary and uncomfortable, especially if you have been in the waiting place for a very long time.  But Congratulations!! Today is your day! Tell yourself this every day- when you brush your hair, while you brush your teeth- today is your day- not because it’s a graduation, not because it’s your birthday, not because it’s a new year- because it’s Thursday, or because it is the 5^th of the month, or because the sun came out.  You don’t have to wait for a reason to start something new, to make that change.

If you’ve never heard of a “Bucket list”, it’s a list of things that you want to do before you “kick the bucket”.  Most people have one of these, either written or mental; some people know exactly what is on theirs, to others it’s a mess of “things I’d like to do someday”.   Today I encourage you start toward completing one thing on it. Always wanted to go to Japan? Start by renewing your passport that you haven’t used since college- or applying for your first one.  Sign up for that class in jewelry making.  Find someone to give you those guitar lessons.  The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

New Year’s resolutions tend to be broken fairly quickly, usually within a matter of weeks or months.  So forget  about waiting for the so-called resolutions.  Tomorrow is a new day, a new beginning- start something new.  And the next day too.  Keep making each day the new beginning that it is and don’t allow yourself to fall into the habit of NO CHANGE. 

You don’t have to do it alone.  We are all here to help each other take those uncertain steps into the unknown, those first steps of that thousand mile journey.  We hold each other in body and in spirit so that no one is ever alone to face those things that can scare you right out of your pants.

This past spring, I attended a beautiful building dedication, here in this room.  The excitement and fellowship I saw demonstrated that day showed me that not only have you as a Fellowship grown through change, but you continue to grow.  May you continue to grow together, to embrace and nurture change.

May it be so.

.

Closing words:

Mark Twain said: Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

 Originally delivered 2009 at the Unitarian Fellowship of Lawrence, modified and delivered at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of Topeka

Carpe Diem

The phrase ‘carpe diem’ has its origins in a poem by Horace.  The English translation of the passage is “Don't ask (it's forbidden to know) what final fate the gods have; what end the gods will give me or you. Don't play with Babylonian fortune-telling either. It is better to endure whatever will be. Whether Jupiter has allotted to you many more winters or this final one, which even now wears out the Tyrrhenian Sea on the rocks placed opposite — be smart, drink your wine. Scale back your long hopes to a short period. While we speak, envious time will have {already} fled. Seize the day and place no trust in tomorrow.”  

We only have to do two things in life:  We have to die, and we have to live until we die; the rest we make up.  Life is a series of moments, once a moment has past it lives only as memory; we do not know what the future will bring, therefore the only time we can truly make things happen is NOW.

My daughter loves the saying “every day is a gift, that’s why it’s called the present”.  This puts into words an idea that is so obvious to her, that she insisted I make sure to work it in today.  I’m sure that as far as she is concerned, that says it all- quick, to the point, everybody understands, let’s go play outside.  I, however, have another 15 minutes to talk, and I intend to use it.  Every day, every moment IS a gift-  a gift from whoever- God, the universe, the Flying Spaghetti Monster… we should be full of gratitude and thanks for the days that we have, and using the time we have been given doing that which makes us happy and fulfilled; gives us a sense of purpose.

Yet, we don’t.  At least many of us don’t.  It’s so easy to get into a routine of survival. I can’t even count how many mornings I have felt like the guy on the Dunkin’ Donuts commercials from the 80’s- I roll out of bed mumbling “time to make the donuts”, drive to work in a sort of haze, get through the day, go to bed… only to get up the next morning mindlessly repeating “time to make the donuts”.  There have been weeks that I spend looking forward to the weekend, then I’ll spend Saturday trying to let go of the week I just had, then Sunday comes and it’s almost Monday, and then the whole cycle starts over again.  There are so many other things I could be doing, that I’d rather be doing… but I just can’t, I have to work.  When I was growing up my mother always used to say that hardly anyone says on their deathbed, “I wish I’d spent more time at the office.”  The older I get, (and the older my kids get), the more I understand the meaning behind this. I once heard of a story about a lady who was celebrating her 100^th or 100^th + birthday, and the interviewer asked some question like: “what’s it like to live so long”?  She responded along the lines of that it is just like living to be 80, or even 70.  She had just as many days with her children when they were young, just as many days with her husband as a newlyweds, just as many young grandchildren’s birthdays- as she would have had she only lived to be 80.  She lamented that it’s just a shame that you don’t get to decide where to put those extra days. 

One day quite a few years ago, I was taking a walk with my father and feeling particularly mournful about a recent death in the family, when we stopped to pick up some pebbles on the side of the path.  He had me look at one of the pebbles; asked about its color, its shape, its texture…. And after about a minute or so, he said “now toss it into those bushes over there”.  I did.  We walked over to the bushes and he asked me to find the pebble again.  I looked for a little bit before I responded that there was just no way I could find the same pebble.  He explained to me how that pebble was like a minute of life. You can spend the minute angry, or regretful, or mourning, or happy,etc… but no matter how you spend it, once it is gone, you can look and you can look, but you will never get it back.  So don’t throw it away.  Absorb every aspect of that pebble (or minute), its color, its shape, its texture.

Just as the purpose of a dance is not to get to one point on the dance floor, it is to enjoy the dance, so is the purpose of life.  Spending days doing what we “have” to do and not what we love to do is just survival.  Doing what you are “supposed” to do, and not what makes you feel alive is just survival.  What is the point of survival if you don’t feel alive?

There’s this great story that I heard while studying the Tao.  “A small kitten had just returned from cat philosophy school. He was running around in circles, trying to catch his tail. A seasoned old alley cat, asked the kitten what he was doing.
"I have learnt that happiness is in the tip of your tail, and I am trying to catch mine, so that I will always be happy."
The old Alley cat replied: "You have learnt well. I never received a fancy education, but I too have heard that happiness is in the tip of my tail. What I have also discovered is that if you forget about trying to catch it, it will follow you wherever you go."

I believe that we are meant to do that which makes us happy.  I think that if you “follow your bliss”, the universe will present the opportunities to you. If you are perceptive to them and willing to take advantage of them, more will come to you.  You can’t force opportunities to happen- not that I’m saying it’s not good to be motivated or ambitious, but everything happens when it is time. For anyone who doubts this fact, think about that you have already taken advantage of the natural flow of the universe to provide opportunities.  You have already seized the day- even if you think you have missed every opportunity since- it happened the day you were born.  It was time, and you entered this world.  Can you imagine anything that would have been easier to talk yourself out of? Talk about a life-changing event! But you didn’t even think, there wasn’t an option-it was time and you did it, and you did it with flair! The difference between that day and any since is that you have somehow convinced yourself that you can make better judgments about your life than Nature can.  You formed from a cluster of cells into a human being, and many of us said “thanks, God (or whatever you want to call this life force), I’ve got it from here!”

I don’t know if life presents a limited number of opportunities, but I do believe that if you keep saying “no” (or ‘not right now’) to the opportunities presented, they will cease, or you learn to ignore them; to stop recognizing them.

Count Leo Tolstoy writes in the Death of Ivan Ilyich of a man who lives his life hating everything about it; a truly miserable man.    The end is near when he suddenly has the thought, “What if my entire life, … simply was not the real thing?”  Tolstoy writes: It occurred to him that those scarcely perceptible impulses of his to protest what people of high rank considered good, vague impulses which he had always suppressed, might have been precisely what mattered, and all the rest not been the real thing.  His official duties, his manner of life,… the values adhered to by people in society and in his profession—all these might not have been the real thing.  He tried to come up with a defense of these things and suddenly became aware of the insubstantiality of them all.  And there was nothing left to defend.
Ivan realizes that he is “taking leave of life with the awareness that (he) squandered all (he) was given, (with) no possibility of rectifying matters.”

Don’t get to the end and wonder “what if?”  In a book by Richard Bach one of the characters ponders the thought, “I have given my life to become the person that I am today; was it worth it?”  Seize the day.  Take advantages of the opportunities life presents you, no matter what disguises they may wear.  Not all opportunities present themselves as joyous occasions.  Many are cloaked in pain, confusion, or uncertainty.  Many people report that out of their experiences of the greatest pain, come their deepest revelations and understandings.  If you go numb and merely survive every experience of your life, you miss the opportunity to grow.  You must be fully present for every experience in order to learn the lesson, to make contact with the part of yourself that needs that experience in order to become more than you are. 

Despite our varying beliefs of what lies beyond this life, we don’t know.  We don’t know if we will have the chance to do it again, to make things right ‘next time’.  We must act on the assumption that this life is not a rehearsal.

Some Asian philosophies illustrate life as not a circle but as a spiral.  Things come back around but slightly differently. There may be different players, but the script is still the same.  Most of you know what I’m talking about- how many times have you found yourself in a situation thinking “how did I get back here?”  Sometimes it’s financial, sometimes emotional… Life has a way of repeating the lessons until you really “get” it.  Taking advantage of opportunities to learn now, helps to ensure a more desirable outcome when the situation comes around again (and again).  Who cares if you “blow it” this time through? Chances are good that you will get another chance to try it again.  So go for it! Give it your all.  The problems arise when you don’t pay enough attention to change your part in the script; you just keep plugging ahead, keep surviving.  THAT is failure- not learning from your experiences.

Remember, it’s not important if you fall or not, what is important is if you get back up, and how quickly.

 In the movie “Big Fish”, one of the characters is given the opportunity to see his death when he is a child.  Once he knows how his end will come, he lives his life taking advantage of every opportunity life gives him, and gives it all he’s got.  He knows how his story ends and “this” (whatever he’s doing at the time) is not it.  He finds incredible freedom and strength in knowing that he can’t fail.

Now, I’m going to ask you a question you may have heard before.  You don’t need to answer out loud, but I want you to answer it. Have a clear answer in your head.  Close your eyes if you need to, take a deep breath, whatever helps you to focus.:
What would you do…. if you knew ….you absolutely could not fail?

Now, listen to me carefully. 
You cannot fail.

The difference between ‘success’ and ‘failure’ lies within yourself, because failure and success are personal judgments.  Any mother who has received a fistful of bright yellow dandelions can attest to the fact that the difference between a weed and a flower is a judgment, a label.  YOU are the one who decides what “success” is for you.  Nobody else.  You.

I know it is so cliché, but truly the only way to fail is never to try.    If you try, if you make an attempt, you ALWAYS produce a result.  At times, the result may be that you learned how NOT to do something.  Thomas Edison is quoted as having said “Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won't work.” “I haven’t failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that did not work.”  Margaret Mitchell’s Gone With the Wind was rejected by seven publishers before someone said yes; R.H. Macy “failed” numerous times before his New York store succeeded; and more than three hundred banks rejected Walt Disney’s application before one finally agreed to grant him a loan to build Disneyland.  Every perceived failure brings us closer to success; sometimes it’s the last key on the ring that opens the door.

Edison also said that “If we did all the things we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves.”Let’s start astounding!  The universe is waiting!

Don’t know where to start?  You don’t have to do all of the big stuff right away, but you do have to do something, today- not someday, today.
Want to learn to meditate? Start with thirty seconds today, and every day. 
Would you like to start exercising every day, someday?  Start with one sit-up today, every day, and see how it evolves.
Do you have bigger aspirations?  How about eliminating world hunger?  Make a sandwich and hand it to a hungry person today. 
Before you talk yourself into waiting for another day to do something because all you can do today is just too small and insignificant, remember the story of a grandfather walking with his grandson on the beach.  The grandfather was picking up sand dollars and throwing them back into the ocean. The grandson asked, “Why do you bother, grandpa?  There must be thousands of them on the beach; you can’t possibly make a difference”.  The grandfather replied, as he threw another out into the ocean, “made a difference to that one.”
Years ago, a reporter went to Hannibal, Missouri and interviewed some childhood friends of Samuel Clemmons – who we also of course know as Mark Twain.  One of the friends said “Shucks, I knew all the same stories ol’ Sam did, he just wrote ‘em down!”. 
Be the one that “writes ‘em down”.  And remember, there’s no time like the present to do it.

As Wayne Dyer says, “don’t die with your music still in you”.  No matter who you are, no matter how old, no matter what you do right now, life is calling to you.  Come, LIVE.   Do something meaningful to you. Do something that matters.  Don’t let what others define as success or failure decide how you will live your life.  Seize the day, every day.  Remember, what you do is important, because you are exchanging a part of your life to do it.

Originally delivered ~2009 at the Unitarian Fellowship of Lawrence

Living a Complaint-Free Life

Scientists say it takes 21 days for people to form a new habit.  In July of 2006, Rev. Will Bowen of Christ Church Unity in Kansas City, MO encouraged his congregation to form a “habit of gratitude” by not complaining for 21-days.  The “Complaint Free” movement was born, and 2 years later continues to gain momentum.  Come get your purple bracelet and find out how the Complaint Free program will help you become aware of your own negativity and teach you to redirect your thoughts towards creating a more positive and rewarding life. 


READING:

Two construction workers open their lunchboxes.  One says, “Ugh! Meatloaf sandwich!  I hate meatloaf sandwiches!”  The other fellow says nothing.

The next day, once again the construction workers open their lunchboxes, and the first again complains; “Meatloaf sandwich AGAIN!  I HATE meatloaf sandwiches!!”  Once again the second worker remains quiet.

On the third day, the worker again opens his lunchbox and exclaims “THAT’S IT!! I can take NO MORE meatloaf sandwiches! It’s driving me crazy!”

The other worker finally speaks.  “Why don’t you just ask your wife to make you something OTHER than meatloaf sandwiches?”

The first worker looked at him in surprise.  “What are you talking about?  I make my own lunches.”

Did anyone else- while Chris was reading, think “oh my God, that’s me”? I mean, not all of it, there’s the “oh that was how my dad was”, or “that’s grandpa” or whatever, but at some point did anyone else think “oh my God, that’s me”. (raise hand, pause) Eye opener, eh?

(put your hand down!) Now let me tell you what happened to me when I realized that I ‘make my own lunch’. At first, I thought, “oh, my God, it’s me”, then after I really thought about it, it was “Oh..my..God, it’s ME!”

Earl Nightingale said, “We are all self made- but only the successful will admit it”.

A couple of months ago I talked a little bit about how everything in the universe is, in its most pure form, energy; and I said at that time that it is a subject for a later service. This is not that service. But for the purposes of what I am saying today, understand that my belief is that your energy affects the energy of those around you, and that positive thoughts increase energy vibration, negative thoughts lower it. There’s a ton of research on this out there, so if you are a person who needs proof, by all means read up.

When we complain, we are using our words to focus our thoughts on things that are not as we would like them to be. “Our thoughts create our lives and our words indicate what we are thinking”, and as Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “ If you don’t like what you have, why would you want more of it?” What we focus our attention on, expands. Complaining is focusing on the negative.

OK, Heather- you say-you expect me to ‘buy into’ this whole, “thoughts are energy, and we can change our lives just by changing the ‘vibration’ of our thoughts idea”… Sounds kind of like ‘new age hippie’ thinking! You caught me. Let me tell you what some “new age hippies” have said along these lines:

as now hast believe, so be it done unto thee- Jesus of Nazereth, (Matthew 8:13 if you read that Book)

The universe is change, our life is what our thoughts make it – Marcus Aurelius

As you think, so shall you be – William James

We are shaped by our thoughts, we become what we think- Buddah

Change your thoughts and you change your world- Norman Vincent Peale

You are today what your thoughts have brought you, you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you- James Allen

We become what we think about- Earl Nightingale

The highest possible stage in moral culture is when we recognize that we ought to control our thoughts- Charles Darwin

Why are we masters of our fate? The captians of our souls? Because we have the power to control our thoughts- Alfred A. Montapert

Thought is the sculptor who can create the person you want to be. - Henry David Thoreau

“Your thoughts create your world and your words indicate your thoughts.” If you are focusing your energy on the things you don’t want, more of what you don’t want will come to you. This is exactly what complaining does. Your words indicate, reinforce and perpetuate your thoughts, your complaining pushes away from you things you would like to have. Have you ever noticed that people who complain the most about being sick- the ones that will tell you all about each and every one of their aches and pains and diseases, are almost always…sick?

Many of you are familiar with the ‘placebo effect’ - also known as the psychosocial aspect of every medical treatment; it occurs when a patient is treated (with a medicine or therapy which is known to have no specific therapeutic activity; think “sugar pill”), in conjunction with the suggestion that the treatment will somehow help the condition- and the patient’s condition improves. Any improvement is considered to be the result of the power of suggestion. Additionally, this effect aids known therapies, and is so powerful that one study showed Alzheimer’s patients don’t even get the full benefit of their medication because they can’t remember having taken them.  The existence of a mind-body connection is nearly undeniable.

Health is an inside job, and complaining is directly related. Doctors estimate that nearly 2/3 of their time is spent treating illnesses that originate in the mind (or psychosomatic). When you complain about health you could actually be making yourself sicker, you are sending out negative thoughts that your body hears, so it reacts in kind; complaining about an illness will not shorten its duration or decrease it’s severity; in fact, you may be doing the equivalent of trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

Complaining is not only unhealthy, it can be detrimental to your health! If you look at the top selling prescription drugs, 8 of the top 10 are for conditions exacerbated by stress; depression, heartburn, and heart disease, are all generally known to be worsened by stress, however studies have also shown that asthma flare-ups increase with stress, and that stress increases cholesterol, which of course contributes to high cholesterol complications. Complaining causes stress. If complaining were a way to being healthy, the people in the United States would be some of the healthiest on earth. We are not.

But isn’t blowing off steam by complaining- or ‘venting’- healthy? Well, no, actually; as I said, studies have shown that complaining about one’s health (or lack of) actually tends to make a person’s health worse.

Now, I’m not saying that there are not times when you need to ‘process’ events in order to get a better handle on a situation, but there is a difference between processing and complaining-- processing is sharing your feelings about something that happened, not rehashing the events of what has happened. You may want to talk with a friend about something that happened and share how it made you feel – for example, “I felt mad, I felt sad, I felt surprised, when she yelled at me” talking about things can be good, just don’t get into ‘he said she said’, that’s where the damage begins.

Reverend Will Bowen, who started the “complaint free movement” does say that “Sometimes it does make sense to complain, however, when it comes to complaining, “sometimes” means “not very often at all.” Complaining should happen infrequently; criticism and gossip, never. If we are honest with ourselves, life events that lead us to legitimately complain (that is, express grief, pain, or discontent) are exceedingly rare. Most of the complaining we do is just a lot of “ear pollution” detrimental to our happiness and well-being.” Complaining is our default setting. It’s what we do.

I’ve been doing this ‘complaint free’ thing for a few months now, I’ve talked to a few people about it and I’ve heard comments like ‘this sounds very interesting, you see, we have a bit of a ‘complaint problem’ in our house”… Complaint problem? It’s an epidemic in our society! Everywhere you turn, the news, sitcoms, radio, newspapers, the Internet- everybody is complaining, criticizing, gossiping- and it is considered entertainment!

And guess where the kids are learning it, Mom and Dad! Yes, from the TV, the radio, the internet… from YOU. We try so hard to teach our children our values and how to live by our Principles - what are we showing them? Are we exposing our kids to a deluge of negativity on a daily basis? I know, I know- “But I have to watch/listen to/read/stream the news to keep informed on social/political/international rights issues!” I’ll be the first to say I understand that. I have only fairly recently broken my own addiction to NPR.

I don’t think that any of us think that there is some miraculous way to prevent the messages of fear and negativity perpetuated throughout our society from reaching the eyes and ears of our children; so it becomes vitally important that we teach them how handle the onslaught of that information; to find the beauty in the world, and to find the good or the learning experience in every situation.

As many of you know, my children and I do our ‘Thankfuls’ before bed-that is, we talk about at least five things that we are thankful for every evening. This way, I figure, no matter how bad the day-they go to sleep remembering the things to be grateful for, and our last words of the day are words of thanks rather than complaints.

Ultimately, it is up to us, as parents, as the adults in the Church, to set an example for our children. How do we talk to our them? “Father Forgets” reminds us of the pain that can be caused by criticism- the habit of finding fault, of reprimanding, of “measuring others by the yardstick of our own years.”

How about when we discuss various geo-political, societal, or moral issues at coffee hour- are the children hearing complaints as they come from Sunday School and get their snacks? Or are they hearing positive, creative ideas of ways to inspire change? Are we fighting AGAINST war, or standing FOR peace? There is a difference. “Complaining spreads negative energy and negative energy cannot create a positive outcome.” Says Reverend Bowen. So how can we affect change, how can we fight injustice in the world if we can’t complain? You do it by bringing love to the situation and inspiring others. Bowen illustrates this by saying, “Martin Luther King, Jr. didn’t stand before thousands in Washington, DC and shout, “Isn’t it awful how we’re being treated?” No. He shared his dream of a day when all children of all races would play and live together in peace and harmony. His vision galvanized our country and created positive change. For you to affect change, paint a bright vivid picture of the problem already solved and share this with as many people as you can.”

Scientists have somehow shown that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. I invite you now to join me in the challenge to go 21 days without speaking a single complaint; wear a purple bracelet to do your part to transform the world by looking at things in a positive light. Dale Carnegie says, “Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain- and most fools do”. Complaining is like bad breath- you notice it when it comes out of other's mouths, but not your own.  The idea behind the purple bracelets that we will be passing out shortly is to learn to hear your words and to create a ‘trap’ for your negativity. The bracelet will eventually help serve as a filter for your thoughts, a reminder to monitor the words you use to create your world. In fact, many people who have gone the 21 days without complaining, still wear their bracelets for that very reason.

(Lara and Marta start passing out the bracelets)

So here’s how it works:

1.      Put the bracelet on whichever wrist you’d like.

2.      When you catch yourself complaining, gossiping, or criticizing, move the bracelet to the other arm and start over.

3.      If you hear someone else with a purple bracelet complaining, it’s ok to point out that they need to switch their bracelet to the other arm; but if you are going to do this, you have to move your bracelet first- because you are complaining about their complaining.

4.      Stay with it. It may take a while to make 21 consecutive days- the average is 4-8 months.

Relax. We are only talking about complaints, criticism and gossip that is spoken- only if it comes out of your mouth it counts. You don’t have to switch your bracelet if you think it; but you will notice that those thoughts will disappear as well.

Remember, this is not a race to see who can go 21 days first, this is not a competition, this is about taking the steps to change yourself; to change your thoughts in order to create a happier, more peaceful world for yourself and those around you. You are not trying to change anyone other than yourself! We must live what we want others to learn, and if we want others to change, we must change first. There is a saying, “if you want to clean up the entire world, begin by sweeping your own doorstep”; or as Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world”.  You can be like the stone, thrown into a pond- causing the ripples of change to wash across all those with whom you come into contact.

Is it easy? No. It is, however, simple. Time will pass no matter what; will you spend yours focusing your energy on that which you don’t want, or will you take the time to change your life?

Let’s cover some details- How do we know for sure it is a complaint? According to a complaint free world . org:

1. The best way to tell if something is a complaint is to consider the intention behind it. For example, if you say, “It’s really hot today” or “The streets get slick when it rains,” you could merely be stating a fact. But if you’re saying it because you feel internal dissatisfaction about the heat or rain (for example, ‘I just HATE how hot it is out!’), then it’s a complaint. I saw this intention described as ‘how dare you do this to me’ energy, and I think that sums it up pretty well.

2. Watch your words. If you use negative adjectives to describe something, such as “bad,” “stupid,” “ridiculous,” etc, then you’re probably complaining.

3. Most gossip constitutes complaints. Gossip is OK only when the comment is complimentary, and if you’d repeat what you are saying, word for word, to the person’s face if he or she were present.  If not, don’t say it.

4. Follow the old adage: “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Lily Tomlin once said “Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”

Sometimes when people first learn to stop complaining, they find themselves spending a lot more time in silence. “one of the ways we know we’ve met a person who’s special to us,” says Reverend Bowen, “ is the amount of time we can be with that person with no words being spoken. We’re simply comfortable in their presence and enjoy their company.” Endless chatter doesn’t improve our time with them, it makes it less precious. Silence allows you to think about your words and to choose only those things you want to put your energy toward; rather than fill the uncomfortable silence with complaints. This can also be a good time to meditate or pray- in fact you may want to say a ‘prayer’ before you speak: “let my words be more constructive than destructive…”

I recommend finding a friend to take up the challenge with you; a “Complaint Free Buddy”. The function of this person is to support you, not to monitor you- you don’t need someone telling you when you need to move your bracelet; you need someone to help support you when you are moving your bracelet so much you want to quit- someone to help you keep going, to help you to start over yet again, whether it is day 2 or day 19 when you move your bracelet. I have some friends who are more than happy to harass me just a bit when they notice that my bracelet has moved to the other arm, providing a bit of motivation to NOT have to move that purple silicon. A friend doing the challenge with you also helps when additional ‘rules’ need to be identified or clarified- A friend of mine recently took up the challenge; we use email, and instant messenger quite frequently in my office, and we found ourselves often typing our complaints- it didn’t come out of our mouths, so it doesn’t count, right? We decided that typing a complaint is the equivalent to speaking it; the idea is to change, not to find ‘loopholes’ in the challenge in order to continue the behavior we are trying to change.

Trying to stop complaining may be a bit difficult with the elections coming up, but I encourage you to stay with it. Like M. H. Alderson once said; “If at first you don’t succeed, you’re running about average.” Move the bracelet, and start over, move the bracelet and start over… one day you will realize that you have not moved your bracelet all day, and that you are one day closer to controlling your thoughts.

As you work toward 21 days, not only will you stop complaining, but those around you will as well. We are all energy beings and energy that does not vibrate at the same frequency does not harmonize. Like attracts like. You surround yourself with people who are like you…. Are you surrounded by complainers? You will really begin to notice this as you become more aware of your own complaining. If you complain a lot, it’s ok, you are normal. But it is within you to be more than normal, to be outstanding. When we go without complaining we create our lives with intention, rather than by default. If you are with others who start griping, don’t join in! People will begin to realize (consciously or not) that they can either not complain, or they can do it elsewhere.

There are two things that most people will agree about:

1- there is too much complaining in the world, and 2-the state of the world is not the way we would like it.

Hmmmm, think there might be a correlation? We are focusing on what is wrong, rather than focusing on a peace and harmony in the world. You are part of this now (by putting on the purple bracelet)…again from Bowen, “you have answered your soul’s call to stop being part of the problem and become part of the solution, you can change the world by simply becoming an example of positive change… you can bear the torch for a bright future for our children, you can be a healing cell in the body of humanity.”

May it be so.

Did anyone else- while Chris was reading, think “oh my God, that’s me”? I mean, not all of it, there’s the “oh that was how my dad was”, or “that’s grandpa” or whatever, but at some point did anyone else think “oh my God, that’s me”. (raise hand, pause) Eye opener, eh?

(put your hand down!) Now let me tell you what happened to me when I realized that I ‘make my own lunch’. At first, I thought, “oh, my God, it’s me”, then after I really thought about it, it was “Oh..my..God, it’s ME!”

Earl Nightingale said, “We are all self made- but only the successful will admit it”.

A couple of months ago I talked a little bit about how everything in the universe is, in its most pure form, energy; and I said at that time that it is a subject for a later service. This is not that service. But for the purposes of what I am saying today, understand that my belief is that your energy affects the energy of those around you, and that positive thoughts increase energy vibration, negative thoughts lower it. There’s a ton of research on this out there, so if you are a person who needs proof, by all means read up.

When we complain, we are using our words to focus our thoughts on things that are not as we would like them to be. “Our thoughts create our lives and our words indicate what we are thinking”, and as Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “ If you don’t like what you have, why would you want more of it?” What we focus our attention on, expands. Complaining is focusing on the negative.

OK, Heather- you say-you expect me to ‘buy into’ this whole, “thoughts are energy, and we can change our lives just by changing the ‘vibration’ of our thoughts idea”… Sounds kind of like ‘new age hippie’ thinking! You caught me. Let me tell you what some “new age hippies” have said along these lines:

as now hast believe, so be it done unto thee- Jesus of Nazereth, (Matthew 8:13 if you read that Book)

The universe is change, our life is what our thoughts make it – Marcus Aurelius

As you think, so shall you be – William James

We are shaped by our thoughts, we become what we think- Buddah

Change your thoughts and you change your world- Norman Vincent Peale

You are today what your thoughts have brought you, you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you- James Allen

We become what we think about- Earl Nightingale

The highest possible stage in moral culture is when we recognize that we ought to control our thoughts- Charles Darwin

Why are we masters of our fate? The captians of our souls? Because we have the power to control our thoughts- Alfred A. Montapert

Thought is the sculptor who can create the person you want to be. - Henry David Thoreau

“Your thoughts create your world and your words indicate your thoughts.” If you are focusing your energy on the things you don’t want, more of what you don’t want will come to you. This is exactly what complaining does. Your words indicate, reinforce and perpetuate your thoughts, your complaining pushes away from you things you would like to have. Have you ever noticed that people who complain the most about being sick- the ones that will tell you all about each and every one of their aches and pains and diseases, are almost always…sick?

Many of you are familiar with the ‘placebo effect’ - also known as the psychosocial aspect of every medical treatment; it occurs when a patient is treated (with a medicine or therapy which is known to have no specific therapeutic activity; think “sugar pill”), in conjunction with the suggestion that the treatment will somehow help the condition- and the patient’s condition improves. Any improvement is considered to be the result of the power of suggestion. Additionally, this effect aids known therapies, and is so powerful that one study showed Alzheimer’s patients don’t even get the full benefit of their medication because they can’t remember having taken them.  The existence of a mind-body connection is nearly undeniable.

Health is an inside job, and complaining is directly related. Doctors estimate that nearly 2/3 of their time is spent treating illnesses that originate in the mind (or psychosomatic). When you complain about health you could actually be making yourself sicker, you are sending out negative thoughts that your body hears, so it reacts in kind; complaining about an illness will not shorten its duration or decrease it’s severity; in fact, you may be doing the equivalent of trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

Complaining is not only unhealthy, it can be detrimental to your health! If you look at the top selling prescription drugs, 8 of the top 10 are for conditions exacerbated by stress; depression, heartburn, and heart disease, are all generally known to be worsened by stress, however studies have also shown that asthma flare-ups increase with stress, and that stress increases cholesterol, which of course contributes to high cholesterol complications. Complaining causes stress. If complaining were a way to being healthy, the people in the United States would be some of the healthiest on earth. We are not.

But isn’t blowing off steam by complaining- or ‘venting’- healthy? Well, no, actually; as I said, studies have shown that complaining about one’s health (or lack of) actually tends to make a person’s health worse.

Now, I’m not saying that there are not times when you need to ‘process’ events in order to get a better handle on a situation, but there is a difference between processing and complaining-- processing is sharing your feelings about something that happened, not rehashing the events of what has happened. You may want to talk with a friend about something that happened and share how it made you feel – for example, “I felt mad, I felt sad, I felt surprised, when she yelled at me” talking about things can be good, just don’t get into ‘he said she said’, that’s where the damage begins.

Reverend Will Bowen, who started the “complaint free movement” does say that “Sometimes it does make sense to complain, however, when it comes to complaining, “sometimes” means “not very often at all.” Complaining should happen infrequently; criticism and gossip, never. If we are honest with ourselves, life events that lead us to legitimately complain (that is, express grief, pain, or discontent) are exceedingly rare. Most of the complaining we do is just a lot of “ear pollution” detrimental to our happiness and well-being.” Complaining is our default setting. It’s what we do.

I’ve been doing this ‘complaint free’ thing for a few months now, I’ve talked to a few people about it and I’ve heard comments like ‘this sounds very interesting, you see, we have a bit of a ‘complaint problem’ in our house”… Complaint problem? It’s an epidemic in our society! Everywhere you turn, the news, sitcoms, radio, newspapers, the Internet- everybody is complaining, criticizing, gossiping- and it is considered entertainment!

And guess where the kids are learning it, Mom and Dad! Yes, from the TV, the radio, the internet… from YOU. We try so hard to teach our children our values and how to live by our Principles - what are we showing them? Are we exposing our kids to a deluge of negativity on a daily basis? I know, I know- “But I have to watch/listen to/read/stream the news to keep informed on social/political/international rights issues!” I’ll be the first to say I understand that. I have only fairly recently broken my own addiction to NPR.

I don’t think that any of us think that there is some miraculous way to prevent the messages of fear and negativity perpetuated throughout our society from reaching the eyes and ears of our children; so it becomes vitally important that we teach them how handle the onslaught of that information; to find the beauty in the world, and to find the good or the learning experience in every situation.

As many of you know, my children and I do our ‘Thankfuls’ before bed-that is, we talk about at least five things that we are thankful for every evening. This way, I figure, no matter how bad the day-they go to sleep remembering the things to be grateful for, and our last words of the day are words of thanks rather than complaints.

Ultimately, it is up to us, as parents, as the adults in the Church, to set an example for our children. How do we talk to our them? “Father Forgets” reminds us of the pain that can be caused by criticism- the habit of finding fault, of reprimanding, of “measuring others by the yardstick of our own years.”

How about when we discuss various geo-political, societal, or moral issues at coffee hour- are the children hearing complaints as they come from Sunday School and get their snacks? Or are they hearing positive, creative ideas of ways to inspire change? Are we fighting AGAINST war, or standing FOR peace? There is a difference. “Complaining spreads negative energy and negative energy cannot create a positive outcome.” Says Reverend Bowen. So how can we affect change, how can we fight injustice in the world if we can’t complain? You do it by bringing love to the situation and inspiring others. Bowen illustrates this by saying, “Martin Luther King, Jr. didn’t stand before thousands in Washington, DC and shout, “Isn’t it awful how we’re being treated?” No. He shared his dream of a day when all children of all races would play and live together in peace and harmony. His vision galvanized our country and created positive change. For you to affect change, paint a bright vivid picture of the problem already solved and share this with as many people as you can.”

Scientists have somehow shown that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. I invite you now to join me in the challenge to go 21 days without speaking a single complaint; wear a purple bracelet to do your part to transform the world by looking at things in a positive light. Dale Carnegie says, “Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain- and most fools do”. Complaining is like bad breath- you notice it when it comes out of other's mouths, but not your own.  The idea behind the purple bracelets that we will be passing out shortly is to learn to hear your words and to create a ‘trap’ for your negativity. The bracelet will eventually help serve as a filter for your thoughts, a reminder to monitor the words you use to create your world. In fact, many people who have gone the 21 days without complaining, still wear their bracelets for that very reason.

(Lara and Marta start passing out the bracelets)

So here’s how it works:

1.      Put the bracelet on whichever wrist you’d like.

2.      When you catch yourself complaining, gossiping, or criticizing, move the bracelet to the other arm and start over.

3.      If you hear someone else with a purple bracelet complaining, it’s ok to point out that they need to switch their bracelet to the other arm; but if you are going to do this, you have to move your bracelet first- because you are complaining about their complaining.

4.      Stay with it. It may take a while to make 21 consecutive days- the average is 4-8 months.

Relax. We are only talking about complaints, criticism and gossip that is spoken- only if it comes out of your mouth it counts. You don’t have to switch your bracelet if you think it; but you will notice that those thoughts will disappear as well.

Remember, this is not a race to see who can go 21 days first, this is not a competition, this is about taking the steps to change yourself; to change your thoughts in order to create a happier, more peaceful world for yourself and those around you. You are not trying to change anyone other than yourself! We must live what we want others to learn, and if we want others to change, we must change first. There is a saying, “if you want to clean up the entire world, begin by sweeping your own doorstep”; or as Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world”.  You can be like the stone, thrown into a pond- causing the ripples of change to wash across all those with whom you come into contact.

Is it easy? No. It is, however, simple. Time will pass no matter what; will you spend yours focusing your energy on that which you don’t want, or will you take the time to change your life?

Let’s cover some details- How do we know for sure it is a complaint? According to a complaint free world . org:

1. The best way to tell if something is a complaint is to consider the intention behind it. For example, if you say, “It’s really hot today” or “The streets get slick when it rains,” you could merely be stating a fact. But if you’re saying it because you feel internal dissatisfaction about the heat or rain (for example, ‘I just HATE how hot it is out!’), then it’s a complaint. I saw this intention described as ‘how dare you do this to me’ energy, and I think that sums it up pretty well.

2. Watch your words. If you use negative adjectives to describe something, such as “bad,” “stupid,” “ridiculous,” etc, then you’re probably complaining.

3. Most gossip constitutes complaints. Gossip is OK only when the comment is complimentary, and if you’d repeat what you are saying, word for word, to the person’s face if he or she were present.  If not, don’t say it.

4. Follow the old adage: “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Lily Tomlin once said “Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”

Sometimes when people first learn to stop complaining, they find themselves spending a lot more time in silence. “one of the ways we know we’ve met a person who’s special to us,” says Reverend Bowen, “ is the amount of time we can be with that person with no words being spoken. We’re simply comfortable in their presence and enjoy their company.” Endless chatter doesn’t improve our time with them, it makes it less precious. Silence allows you to think about your words and to choose only those things you want to put your energy toward; rather than fill the uncomfortable silence with complaints. This can also be a good time to meditate or pray- in fact you may want to say a ‘prayer’ before you speak: “let my words be more constructive than destructive…”

I recommend finding a friend to take up the challenge with you; a “Complaint Free Buddy”. The function of this person is to support you, not to monitor you- you don’t need someone telling you when you need to move your bracelet; you need someone to help support you when you are moving your bracelet so much you want to quit- someone to help you keep going, to help you to start over yet again, whether it is day 2 or day 19 when you move your bracelet. I have some friends who are more than happy to harass me just a bit when they notice that my bracelet has moved to the other arm, providing a bit of motivation to NOT have to move that purple silicon. A friend doing the challenge with you also helps when additional ‘rules’ need to be identified or clarified- A friend of mine recently took up the challenge; we use email, and instant messenger quite frequently in my office, and we found ourselves often typing our complaints- it didn’t come out of our mouths, so it doesn’t count, right? We decided that typing a complaint is the equivalent to speaking it; the idea is to change, not to find ‘loopholes’ in the challenge in order to continue the behavior we are trying to change.

Trying to stop complaining may be a bit difficult with the elections coming up, but I encourage you to stay with it. Like M. H. Alderson once said; “If at first you don’t succeed, you’re running about average.” Move the bracelet, and start over, move the bracelet and start over… one day you will realize that you have not moved your bracelet all day, and that you are one day closer to controlling your thoughts.

As you work toward 21 days, not only will you stop complaining, but those around you will as well. We are all energy beings and energy that does not vibrate at the same frequency does not harmonize. Like attracts like. You surround yourself with people who are like you…. Are you surrounded by complainers? You will really begin to notice this as you become more aware of your own complaining. If you complain a lot, it’s ok, you are normal. But it is within you to be more than normal, to be outstanding. When we go without complaining we create our lives with intention, rather than by default. If you are with others who start griping, don’t join in! People will begin to realize (consciously or not) that they can either not complain, or they can do it elsewhere.

There are two things that most people will agree about:

1- there is too much complaining in the world, and 2-the state of the world is not the way we would like it.

Hmmmm, think there might be a correlation? We are focusing on what is wrong, rather than focusing on a peace and harmony in the world. You are part of this now (by putting on the purple bracelet)…again from Bowen, “you have answered your soul’s call to stop being part of the problem and become part of the solution, you can change the world by simply becoming an example of positive change… you can bear the torch for a bright future for our children, you can be a healing cell in the body of humanity.”

May it be so.

Closing words:

Margaret Mede said:  Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever does.

You can help create a complaint free world.  Do it for those around you, do it because it is a powerful first step toward world peace, do it for your children, and their children; but mostly, do it for yourself.

Chalice Extinguish:

Thank you all for being the presence of Spirit. 

 Remember, there are no such thing as ‘idle’ words.

You are creating your world with your words.  Dream it, grab it, claim it… YOU DESERVE IT.

May Peace be with you.

Originally delivered 8.10.2008 at the Unitarian Fellowship of Lawrence