Spiritual Homelessness

Often when someone joins a church or other religious community, it is said that he or she has found their “spiritual home”.  This Sunday, we give thought to what a spiritual home is, and what it means to be “spiritually homeless” as individuals and as a community.

We all go through times when we lie awake at night, unable to sleep, troubled, wishing for comfort- but is that a result of being spiritually homeless?  What does ‘spiritual homelessness’ even mean?  What does spiritual homelessness mean to a community?  What can we- as individuals, as a community- do to help those who feel ‘spiritually homeless’ feel more at home?

When I first decided to talk about “spiritual homelessness”, I had an idea of what the term meant to me, but articulating that proved not to be an easy task.  So, of course, I turned to the trusty Internet to provide me with a usable definition, and help give me the inspiration to write 15 minutes worth of my thoughts on the topic.  Would you believe that I could not find a definition of “spiritual homelessness”, or “spiritually homeless”? At least not the dictionary type definition.  So I decided to break it down. 

There are several definitions of the word “spiritual” from various dictionaries and dictionary-type websites, including:

Of, relating to, consisting of, or having the nature of spirit;

not tangible or material;

of, concerned with, or affecting the soul;

of or relating to sacred matters;

and concerned with religious values.  

The definition that fits for today is from Merriam Webster: related or joined in spirit.

There are even more definitions for “homeless”.  There are definitions used by the federal government, ones used by state governments, some by different agencies (federal, state, and otherwise), some provided by various dictionaries; and it can define not only a state of being, but also refer to an individual or group of individuals- for example,  “That person is homeless vs. a homeless shelter”.  The dictionary definition that I decided fits best for today is “having no home or haven”.

I was able to find a very descriptive image of spiritually homeless, however.  David A. Steere defines the spiritually homeless as “those whose quest for meaning and wholeness has carried them away from their church home.  They wander the streets in search of a place to house their thirst for healing and inner peace.” 

But he goes on to clarify that the spiritually homeless are not only those who do not belong to a church or other religious organization.  “Spiritual homelessness”, he says, “is a state of mind shared by people both inside and outside the church who no longer belong the way they once did.  No longer do they find their deeper spiritual affections awakened in the… life of organized religion.  The ‘fellowship’ of congregational life seems too fragile, beneath its surface friendliness, to handle conversation about their inner doubts, their secret failings, and their deepest yearnings.  Quietly, sometimes desperately, they turn elsewhere for health and healing, for significant self-reflection, and for a place to center their lives with meaning and purpose.”

So the spiritual homeless are looking for a place to “belong”. 

Lets go back to the definitions I found for spiritual and homeless.  When you put together the two that I decided fit this topic, the resulting definition of someone who is spiritually homeless is someone who “has no home or haven in which to be joined in spirit”.

Feeling homeless implies a feeling of vulnerability; feeling spiritually homeless can leave one feeling isolated and vulnerable to the very core of our being.  These feelings can be uncomfortable at best; terrifying at worst.

Dante describes that fear and isolation in Inferno:  “In the middle of our life journey I found myself in a dark wood.  I had wandered from the straight path.  It isn’t easy to talk about it:  it was such a thick, wild, and rough forest that when I think of it my fear returns.”

David Steere states that “Those who are spiritually homeless seek two things.  The first is spiritual direction that can bring meaning or purpose to their lives, a certain sense of inner fulfillment or satisfying devotion to something sacred.  The second is healing, not simply physical and emotional healing, but wholeness and well-being that comes from coping with the estrangement that can overwhelm our personal relationships as couples, families, friends, or coworkers.  This concern for wholeness, which is the root meaning of the word ‘holy’, is the driving force behind spiritual homelessness…”

Looking at the metaphor of ‘home’ can convey this feeling that is sought.  Home is where we belong.  The term suggests being in our rightful place as a bird in its natural habitat.  Being at home conveys more than familiarity with our surroundings, it suggests intimate knowledge. I think Susan Harper said it well last week in our discussion on community when she said that “home is where you feel safe”.

“Another common meaning of the metaphor” says Steere, “involves an inner sense of purpose and direction that ‘rings true.’ We know where we are going as well as a homing pigeon or the homing device guiding a missile knows its destination.  The spiritually homeless no longer derive this direction within an organized church life”

This can lead to some anxiety because many people have the general feeling that we should have some sort of religious core group. Without it, many of us get the feeling that we lack a center or a foundation. This feeling is difficult to describe or define. For some it starts, perhaps, because we are used to attending services every week and having a religious place and space that is our own. We belong to a group, and that group provides a psychological stability to our lives. We identify with it. Leaving the church opens a void.

Now let me say that not everyone finds the idea of being “spiritually homeless” fearful, or undesirable. 

There is the thought that not belonging to any religious group leaves one free to follow one’s “spirit”, to do what is right without any sort of organization or membership in an institution to provide guidance and security.  This, in theory would allow sacred space to open naturally and organically as the spirit moves.

Having a “home church" means that one is "in," and those who don't are “out”.  Jonathan Erdman states in a blog posting that “NOT having a church makes one live faith each moment for the moment, it does not allow for a psychological religious stabilizer.”

Many people see spirituality as one aspect of a holistic view of self, but this idea of “spiritual homelessness as religion replacement” seems to facilitate fragmentation.  With our current culture, our self can be divided between a lot of different areas, making it quite easy to hide ourselves or to just allow ourselves to become neglected. There is work self, home self, hang-out-with -friends self, social justice self, online self, and sometimes several different versions of the self within each of the aspects I’ve listed. When we combine this with our fast-paced lifestyle, the result is something of a “psycho-spiritual multiple personality disorder” and a lack of any sense of wholeness. This fragmentation is complex and related to the system within which we operate, and is one of the major challenges we face as humans.

Having a core church doesn’t necessarily solve the problem.  Again, according to David Steere, “Even within organized religion, people (are) drawn into separate enclaves of social participation for mutual enhancement, self-realization, and meaningful connection with one another.”  Many women are no longer ‘at home’ in the traditional church.  The women’s movement has been more than simply a struggle to eliminate exclusive language and patriarchal thinking.  It is a search for our own uniqueness, our own mentors, and our own story to tell in our own voice.  It goes to the heart of ‘naming God’ in symbols appropriate to our experience:  She Who Is, Sophia (the Greek goddess of wisdom), or Gaia (the Greek goddess of earth and nature).

…

“For numbers of men, the experience of a similar homelessness is still evident.  Traditional men’s organizations provide little for restless males in search of their roots in masculine experience.  Whether by the beat of drums, Native American images and ventures, or in small groups struggling with their common experience of absent fathers, many males search for an identity all their own that has somehow escaped them.  What these efforts share in common is a desire to recover the natural roots of masculine experience quite apart from the traditional male roles of patriarchal religion.”

The fact is that it is difficult to live holistically on one's own. Community can help.

So what does this mean to a fellowship community such as ours? 

People may come to us looking to fill the ‘void’ that is left by leaving a religious structure that no longer made sense when combined with their life experience.  We all come looking for something; to connect with others in some way that helps us feel whole.  As members of a faith community we each can help by making that connection on a level with which we are comfortable.

We can be inclusive. We can, together, create groups in which people can search for- and find- meaning within themselves or with each other. We can help provide opportunities for “health and healing, for significant self-reflection, and a place for people to center their lives with meaning and purpose”.  We must not be “too fragile to handle conversation about inner doubts, secret failings, and deepest yearnings”. We can provide a “home or haven in which to be joined in spirit”.

I think that Unitarian Universalists know very well that there are different ways and places a person can feel ‘at home’ spiritually, and we as a congregation provide many different opportunities.  Social justice and service to the community, small groups and classes, two very different programs on Sunday mornings- all are to help meet the differing needs of the individuals in our Fellowship community. Our tradition draws from many sources because we know that there is not one path that will work for everybody to find truth and meaning in life.  We don’t view spirituality as membership in some sort of exclusive religious club.  We’re all “out” of the club.  Or even better, we’re all “in”. 

But it doesn’t just have to be within these walls that we continue on our path.

Someone who goes from church to church, looking for a group that will complete them, will likely never find it.  A spiritual home does not have to be a religious organization.  It can be a garden, or a forest.  Just as God does not live in any one of the multitude of churches out there, spirit can be found and defined anywhere.  Your spirit is within you; finding a spiritual home doesn’t mean finding a place where everybody believes the same thing, or where spirit can be found.  It means finding a group of people with whom you feel comfortable, safe.  People who help you find the spirit within yourself, help to draw it out, express it.  A place where you feel at home with yourself.    A spiritual home does not complete you, it helps you to understand that you are already complete.

The power is within each and every one of us to make that connection with others.  Wherever we go, we can reach out, we can help to provide a place and a way for ourselves and others to be “joined in spirit”- whether joined with a small group of people or with the larger community- or on an even grander scale- with the universe. 

May it be so.

Originally delivered September 20, 2009 at the Unitarian Fellowship of Lawrence