READING:
Two construction workers open their lunchboxes. One says, “Ugh! Meatloaf sandwich! I hate
meatloaf sandwiches!” The other fellow
says nothing.
The next day, once again the construction workers open their
lunchboxes, and the first again complains; “Meatloaf sandwich AGAIN! I HATE meatloaf sandwiches!!” Once again the second worker remains quiet.
On the third day, the worker again opens his lunchbox and
exclaims “THAT’S IT!! I can take NO MORE meatloaf sandwiches! It’s driving me
crazy!”
The other worker finally speaks. “Why don’t you just ask your wife to make you
something OTHER than meatloaf sandwiches?”
The first worker looked at him in surprise. “What are you talking about? I make my own lunches.”
Did anyone else-
while Chris was reading, think “oh my God, that’s me”? I mean, not all of it,
there’s the “oh that was how my dad was”, or “that’s grandpa” or whatever, but at
some point did anyone else think “oh my God, that’s me”. (raise hand,
pause) Eye opener, eh?
(put your hand
down!) Now let me tell you what happened to me when I realized that I ‘make my
own lunch’. At first, I thought, “oh, my God, it’s me”, then after I
really thought about it, it was “Oh..my..God, it’s ME!”
Earl Nightingale
said, “We are all self made- but only the successful will admit it”.
A couple of
months ago I talked a little bit about how everything in the universe is, in
its most pure form, energy; and I said at that time that it is a subject for a
later service. This is not that service. But for the purposes of what I am
saying today, understand that my belief is that your energy affects the energy
of those around you, and that positive thoughts increase energy vibration,
negative thoughts lower it. There’s a ton of research on this out there, so if
you are a person who needs proof, by all means read up.
When we
complain, we are using our words to focus our thoughts on things that are not
as we would like them to be. “Our thoughts create our lives and our words
indicate what we are thinking”, and as Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “ If you don’t like
what you have, why would you want more of it?” What we focus our attention on,
expands. Complaining is focusing on the negative.
OK, Heather- you
say-you expect me to ‘buy into’ this whole, “thoughts are energy, and we can
change our lives just by changing the ‘vibration’ of our thoughts idea”… Sounds
kind of like ‘new age hippie’ thinking! You caught me. Let me tell you what
some “new age hippies” have said along these lines:
as now hast
believe, so be it done unto thee- Jesus of Nazereth, (Matthew 8:13 if you read
that Book)
The universe is
change, our life is what our thoughts make it – Marcus Aurelius
As you think, so
shall you be – William James
We are shaped by
our thoughts, we become what we think- Buddah
Change your
thoughts and you change your world- Norman Vincent Peale
You are today
what your thoughts have brought you, you will be tomorrow where your thoughts
take you- James Allen
We become what
we think about- Earl Nightingale
The highest
possible stage in moral culture is when we recognize that we ought to control
our thoughts- Charles Darwin
Why are we
masters of our fate? The captians of our souls? Because we have the power to
control our thoughts- Alfred A. Montapert
Thought is the
sculptor who can create the person you want to be. - Henry David Thoreau
“Your
thoughts create your world and your words indicate your thoughts.” If you
are focusing your energy on the things you don’t want, more of what you don’t
want will come to you. This is exactly what complaining does. Your words
indicate, reinforce and perpetuate your thoughts, your complaining pushes away
from you things you would like to have. Have you ever noticed that people who
complain the most about being sick- the ones that will tell you all about each
and every one of their aches and pains and diseases, are almost always…sick?
Many of you are
familiar with the ‘placebo effect’ - also known as the psychosocial aspect of
every medical treatment; it occurs when a patient is treated (with a medicine
or therapy which is known to have no specific therapeutic activity; think
“sugar pill”), in conjunction with the suggestion that the treatment will
somehow help the condition- and the patient’s condition improves. Any
improvement is considered to be the result of the power of suggestion.
Additionally, this effect aids known therapies, and is so powerful that one study
showed Alzheimer’s patients don’t even get the full benefit of their medication
because they can’t remember having taken them. The existence of a
mind-body connection is nearly undeniable.
Health is an
inside job, and complaining is directly related. Doctors estimate that nearly
2/3 of their time is spent treating illnesses that originate in the mind (or
psychosomatic). When you complain about health you could actually be making
yourself sicker, you are sending out negative thoughts that your body hears, so
it reacts in kind; complaining about an illness will not shorten its duration
or decrease it’s severity; in fact, you may be doing the equivalent of trying
to put out a fire with gasoline.
Complaining is
not only unhealthy, it can be detrimental to your health! If you
look at the top selling prescription drugs, 8 of the top 10 are for conditions
exacerbated by stress; depression, heartburn, and heart disease, are all
generally known to be worsened by stress, however studies have also shown that
asthma flare-ups increase with stress, and that stress increases cholesterol,
which of course contributes to high cholesterol complications. Complaining
causes stress. If complaining were a way to being healthy, the people in
the United States would be some of the healthiest on earth. We are not.
But isn’t
blowing off steam by complaining- or ‘venting’- healthy? Well, no, actually; as
I said, studies have shown that complaining about one’s health (or lack of)
actually tends to make a person’s health worse.
Now, I’m not
saying that there are not times when you need to ‘process’ events in order to
get a better handle on a situation, but there is a difference between
processing and complaining-- processing is sharing your feelings about
something that happened, not rehashing the events of what has happened. You may
want to talk with a friend about something that happened and share how it made
you feel – for example, “I felt mad, I felt sad, I felt surprised, when she
yelled at me” talking about things can be good, just don’t get into ‘he said
she said’, that’s where the damage begins.
Reverend Will
Bowen, who started the “complaint free movement” does say that “Sometimes it
does make sense to complain, however, when it comes to complaining, “sometimes”
means “not very often at all.” Complaining should happen infrequently;
criticism and gossip, never. If we are honest with ourselves, life events that
lead us to legitimately complain (that is, express grief, pain, or
discontent) are exceedingly rare. Most of the complaining we do is just a lot
of “ear pollution” detrimental to our happiness and well-being.” Complaining is
our default setting. It’s what we do.
I’ve been doing
this ‘complaint free’ thing for a few months now, I’ve talked to a few people
about it and I’ve heard comments like ‘this sounds very interesting, you see,
we have a bit of a ‘complaint problem’ in our house”… Complaint problem?
It’s an epidemic in our society! Everywhere you turn, the news, sitcoms, radio,
newspapers, the Internet- everybody is complaining, criticizing, gossiping- and
it is considered entertainment!
And guess where
the kids are learning it, Mom and Dad! Yes, from the TV, the radio, the
internet… from YOU. We try so hard to teach our children our values and how to
live by our Principles - what are we showing them? Are we exposing our kids to
a deluge of negativity on a daily basis? I know, I know- “But I have to
watch/listen to/read/stream the news to keep informed on
social/political/international rights issues!” I’ll be the first to say I
understand that. I have only fairly recently broken my own addiction to NPR.
I don’t think
that any of us think that there is some miraculous way to prevent the messages
of fear and negativity perpetuated throughout our society from reaching the eyes
and ears of our children; so it becomes vitally important that we teach them
how handle the onslaught of that information; to find the beauty in the world,
and to find the good or the learning experience in every situation.
As many of you
know, my children and I do our ‘Thankfuls’ before bed-that is, we talk about at
least five things that we are thankful for every evening. This way, I figure,
no matter how bad the day-they go to sleep remembering the things to be
grateful for, and our last words of the day are words of thanks rather than
complaints.
Ultimately, it
is up to us, as parents, as the adults in the Church, to set an example for our
children. How do we talk to our them? “Father Forgets” reminds us of the pain
that can be caused by criticism- the habit of finding fault, of reprimanding,
of “measuring others by the yardstick of our own years.”
How about when
we discuss various geo-political, societal, or moral issues at coffee hour- are
the children hearing complaints as they come from Sunday School and get their
snacks? Or are they hearing positive, creative ideas of ways to inspire change?
Are we fighting AGAINST war, or standing FOR peace? There is a difference.
“Complaining spreads negative energy and negative energy cannot create a
positive outcome.” Says Reverend Bowen. So how can we affect change, how
can we fight injustice in the world if we can’t complain? You do it by bringing
love to the situation and inspiring others. Bowen illustrates this by saying,
“Martin Luther King, Jr. didn’t stand before thousands in Washington, DC and
shout, “Isn’t it awful how we’re being treated?” No. He shared his dream of a
day when all children of all races would play and live together in peace and
harmony. His vision galvanized our country and created positive change. For you
to affect change, paint a bright vivid picture of the problem already solved
and share this with as many people as you can.”
Scientists have
somehow shown that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. I invite you now to
join me in the challenge to go 21 days without speaking a single complaint;
wear a purple bracelet to do your part to transform the world by looking at
things in a positive light. Dale Carnegie says, “Any fool can criticize,
condemn, and complain- and most fools do”. Complaining is like bad breath- you
notice it when it comes out of other's mouths, but not your own. The idea
behind the purple bracelets that we will be passing out shortly is to learn to
hear your words and to create a ‘trap’ for your negativity. The bracelet will
eventually help serve as a filter for your thoughts, a reminder to monitor the
words you use to create your world. In fact, many people who have gone the 21
days without complaining, still wear their bracelets for that very reason.
(Lara and Marta start
passing out the bracelets)
So here’s how it
works:
1. Put
the bracelet on whichever wrist you’d like.
2. When
you catch yourself complaining, gossiping, or criticizing, move
the bracelet to the other arm and start over.
3. If
you hear someone else with a purple bracelet complaining, it’s ok to point out
that they need to switch their bracelet to the other arm; but if you are
going to do this, you have to move your bracelet first- because you are
complaining about their complaining.
4. Stay
with it. It may take a while to make 21 consecutive days- the average is
4-8 months.
Relax. We are only talking about complaints, criticism
and gossip that is spoken- only if it comes out of your mouth it counts. You
don’t have to switch your bracelet if you think it; but you will notice that
those thoughts will disappear as well.
Remember, this
is not a race to see who can go 21 days first, this is not a competition, this
is about taking the steps to change yourself; to change your thoughts in order
to create a happier, more peaceful world for yourself and those around you. You
are not trying to change anyone other than yourself! We must live what we want
others to learn, and if we want others to change, we must change first. There
is a saying, “if you want to clean up the entire world, begin by sweeping your
own doorstep”; or as Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in
the world”. You can be like the stone, thrown into a pond- causing the
ripples of change to wash across all those with whom you come into contact.
Is it easy? No.
It is, however, simple. Time will pass no matter what; will you spend yours
focusing your energy on that which you don’t want, or will you take the time to
change your life?
Let’s cover some
details- How do we know for sure it is a complaint? According to a complaint
free world . org:
1. The best way to tell if something is a complaint is to consider the intention behind it. For example, if you say, “It’s really hot today” or “The streets get slick when it rains,” you could merely be stating a fact. But if you’re saying it because you feel internal dissatisfaction about the heat or rain (for example, ‘I just HATE how hot it is out!’), then it’s a complaint. I saw this intention described as ‘how dare you do this to me’ energy, and I think that sums it up pretty well.
2. Watch your words. If you use negative adjectives to describe something, such as “bad,” “stupid,” “ridiculous,” etc, then you’re probably complaining.
3. Most gossip constitutes complaints. Gossip is OK only when the comment is complimentary, and if you’d repeat what you are saying, word for word, to the person’s face if he or she were present. If not, don’t say it.
4. Follow the old adage: “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”
Lily Tomlin once
said “Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”
Sometimes when
people first learn to stop complaining, they find themselves spending a lot
more time in silence. “one of the ways we know we’ve met a person who’s special
to us,” says Reverend Bowen, “ is the amount of time we can be with that person
with no words being spoken. We’re simply comfortable in their presence and
enjoy their company.” Endless chatter doesn’t improve our time with them, it
makes it less precious. Silence allows you to think about your words and to
choose only those things you want to put your energy toward; rather than fill
the uncomfortable silence with complaints. This can also be a good time to
meditate or pray- in fact you may want to say a ‘prayer’ before you speak: “let
my words be more constructive than destructive…”
I recommend
finding a friend to take up the challenge with you; a “Complaint Free Buddy”.
The function of this person is to support you, not to monitor you- you
don’t need someone telling you when you need to move your bracelet; you need
someone to help support you when you are moving your bracelet so much you want
to quit- someone to help you keep going, to help you to start over yet again,
whether it is day 2 or day 19 when you move your bracelet. I have some friends
who are more than happy to harass me just a bit when they notice that my
bracelet has moved to the other arm, providing a bit of motivation to NOT have
to move that purple silicon. A friend doing the challenge with you also helps when
additional ‘rules’ need to be identified or clarified- A friend of mine
recently took up the challenge; we use email, and instant messenger quite
frequently in my office, and we found ourselves often typing our complaints- it
didn’t come out of our mouths, so it doesn’t count, right? We decided that
typing a complaint is the equivalent to speaking it; the idea is to change, not
to find ‘loopholes’ in the challenge in order to continue the behavior we are
trying to change.
Trying to stop
complaining may be a bit difficult with the elections coming up, but I
encourage you to stay with it. Like M. H. Alderson once said; “If at first you
don’t succeed, you’re running about average.” Move the bracelet, and start
over, move the bracelet and start over… one day you will realize that you have
not moved your bracelet all day, and that you are one day closer to controlling
your thoughts.
As you work
toward 21 days, not only will you stop complaining, but those around you will
as well. We are all energy beings and energy that does not vibrate at the same
frequency does not harmonize. Like attracts like. You surround yourself with
people who are like you…. Are you surrounded by complainers? You will really
begin to notice this as you become more aware of your own complaining. If you
complain a lot, it’s ok, you are normal. But it is within you to be more than
normal, to be outstanding. When we go without complaining we create our lives
with intention, rather than by default. If you are with others who start
griping, don’t join in! People will begin to realize (consciously or not) that
they can either not complain, or they can do it elsewhere.
There are two
things that most people will agree about:
1- there is too
much complaining in the world, and 2-the state of the world is not the way we
would like it.
Hmmmm, think
there might be a correlation? We are focusing on what is wrong, rather than
focusing on a peace and harmony in the world. You are part of this now (by
putting on the purple bracelet)…again from Bowen, “you have answered your
soul’s call to stop being part of the problem and become part of the solution,
you can change the world by simply becoming an example of positive change… you
can bear the torch for a bright future for our children, you can be a healing cell
in the body of humanity.”
May it be so.
Did anyone else-
while Chris was reading, think “oh my God, that’s me”? I mean, not all of it,
there’s the “oh that was how my dad was”, or “that’s grandpa” or whatever, but at
some point did anyone else think “oh my God, that’s me”. (raise hand,
pause) Eye opener, eh?
(put your hand
down!) Now let me tell you what happened to me when I realized that I ‘make my
own lunch’. At first, I thought, “oh, my God, it’s me”, then after I
really thought about it, it was “Oh..my..God, it’s ME!”
Earl Nightingale
said, “We are all self made- but only the successful will admit it”.
A couple of
months ago I talked a little bit about how everything in the universe is, in
its most pure form, energy; and I said at that time that it is a subject for a
later service. This is not that service. But for the purposes of what I am
saying today, understand that my belief is that your energy affects the energy
of those around you, and that positive thoughts increase energy vibration,
negative thoughts lower it. There’s a ton of research on this out there, so if
you are a person who needs proof, by all means read up.
When we
complain, we are using our words to focus our thoughts on things that are not
as we would like them to be. “Our thoughts create our lives and our words
indicate what we are thinking”, and as Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “ If you don’t like
what you have, why would you want more of it?” What we focus our attention on,
expands. Complaining is focusing on the negative.
OK, Heather- you
say-you expect me to ‘buy into’ this whole, “thoughts are energy, and we can
change our lives just by changing the ‘vibration’ of our thoughts idea”… Sounds
kind of like ‘new age hippie’ thinking! You caught me. Let me tell you what
some “new age hippies” have said along these lines:
as now hast
believe, so be it done unto thee- Jesus of Nazereth, (Matthew 8:13 if you read
that Book)
The universe is
change, our life is what our thoughts make it – Marcus Aurelius
As you think, so
shall you be – William James
We are shaped by
our thoughts, we become what we think- Buddah
Change your
thoughts and you change your world- Norman Vincent Peale
You are today
what your thoughts have brought you, you will be tomorrow where your thoughts
take you- James Allen
We become what
we think about- Earl Nightingale
The highest
possible stage in moral culture is when we recognize that we ought to control
our thoughts- Charles Darwin
Why are we
masters of our fate? The captians of our souls? Because we have the power to
control our thoughts- Alfred A. Montapert
Thought is the
sculptor who can create the person you want to be. - Henry David Thoreau
“Your
thoughts create your world and your words indicate your thoughts.” If you
are focusing your energy on the things you don’t want, more of what you don’t
want will come to you. This is exactly what complaining does. Your words
indicate, reinforce and perpetuate your thoughts, your complaining pushes away
from you things you would like to have. Have you ever noticed that people who
complain the most about being sick- the ones that will tell you all about each
and every one of their aches and pains and diseases, are almost always…sick?
Many of you are
familiar with the ‘placebo effect’ - also known as the psychosocial aspect of
every medical treatment; it occurs when a patient is treated (with a medicine
or therapy which is known to have no specific therapeutic activity; think
“sugar pill”), in conjunction with the suggestion that the treatment will
somehow help the condition- and the patient’s condition improves. Any improvement
is considered to be the result of the power of suggestion. Additionally, this
effect aids known therapies, and is so powerful that one study showed
Alzheimer’s patients don’t even get the full benefit of their medication
because they can’t remember having taken them. The existence of a
mind-body connection is nearly undeniable.
Health is an
inside job, and complaining is directly related. Doctors estimate that nearly
2/3 of their time is spent treating illnesses that originate in the mind (or
psychosomatic). When you complain about health you could actually be making
yourself sicker, you are sending out negative thoughts that your body hears, so
it reacts in kind; complaining about an illness will not shorten its duration
or decrease it’s severity; in fact, you may be doing the equivalent of trying
to put out a fire with gasoline.
Complaining is
not only unhealthy, it can be detrimental to your health! If you
look at the top selling prescription drugs, 8 of the top 10 are for conditions
exacerbated by stress; depression, heartburn, and heart disease, are all
generally known to be worsened by stress, however studies have also shown that
asthma flare-ups increase with stress, and that stress increases cholesterol,
which of course contributes to high cholesterol complications. Complaining
causes stress. If complaining were a way to being healthy, the people in
the United States would be some of the healthiest on earth. We are not.
But isn’t
blowing off steam by complaining- or ‘venting’- healthy? Well, no, actually; as
I said, studies have shown that complaining about one’s health (or lack of)
actually tends to make a person’s health worse.
Now, I’m not
saying that there are not times when you need to ‘process’ events in order to
get a better handle on a situation, but there is a difference between
processing and complaining-- processing is sharing your feelings about
something that happened, not rehashing the events of what has happened. You may
want to talk with a friend about something that happened and share how it made
you feel – for example, “I felt mad, I felt sad, I felt surprised, when she
yelled at me” talking about things can be good, just don’t get into ‘he said
she said’, that’s where the damage begins.
Reverend Will
Bowen, who started the “complaint free movement” does say that “Sometimes it
does make sense to complain, however, when it comes to complaining, “sometimes”
means “not very often at all.” Complaining should happen infrequently;
criticism and gossip, never. If we are honest with ourselves, life events that
lead us to legitimately complain (that is, express grief, pain, or
discontent) are exceedingly rare. Most of the complaining we do is just a lot
of “ear pollution” detrimental to our happiness and well-being.” Complaining is
our default setting. It’s what we do.
I’ve been doing
this ‘complaint free’ thing for a few months now, I’ve talked to a few people
about it and I’ve heard comments like ‘this sounds very interesting, you see,
we have a bit of a ‘complaint problem’ in our house”… Complaint problem?
It’s an epidemic in our society! Everywhere you turn, the news, sitcoms, radio,
newspapers, the Internet- everybody is complaining, criticizing, gossiping- and
it is considered entertainment!
And guess where
the kids are learning it, Mom and Dad! Yes, from the TV, the radio, the
internet… from YOU. We try so hard to teach our children our values and how to
live by our Principles - what are we showing them? Are we exposing our kids to
a deluge of negativity on a daily basis? I know, I know- “But I have to
watch/listen to/read/stream the news to keep informed on
social/political/international rights issues!” I’ll be the first to say I
understand that. I have only fairly recently broken my own addiction to NPR.
I don’t think
that any of us think that there is some miraculous way to prevent the messages
of fear and negativity perpetuated throughout our society from reaching the
eyes and ears of our children; so it becomes vitally important that we teach
them how handle the onslaught of that information; to find the beauty in the
world, and to find the good or the learning experience in every situation.
As many of you
know, my children and I do our ‘Thankfuls’ before bed-that is, we talk about at
least five things that we are thankful for every evening. This way, I figure,
no matter how bad the day-they go to sleep remembering the things to be
grateful for, and our last words of the day are words of thanks rather than
complaints.
Ultimately, it
is up to us, as parents, as the adults in the Church, to set an example for our
children. How do we talk to our them? “Father Forgets” reminds us of the pain
that can be caused by criticism- the habit of finding fault, of reprimanding,
of “measuring others by the yardstick of our own years.”
How about when
we discuss various geo-political, societal, or moral issues at coffee hour- are
the children hearing complaints as they come from Sunday School and get their
snacks? Or are they hearing positive, creative ideas of ways to inspire change?
Are we fighting AGAINST war, or standing FOR peace? There is a difference.
“Complaining spreads negative energy and negative energy cannot create a
positive outcome.” Says Reverend Bowen. So how can we affect change, how
can we fight injustice in the world if we can’t complain? You do it by bringing
love to the situation and inspiring others. Bowen illustrates this by saying,
“Martin Luther King, Jr. didn’t stand before thousands in Washington, DC and
shout, “Isn’t it awful how we’re being treated?” No. He shared his dream of a
day when all children of all races would play and live together in peace and
harmony. His vision galvanized our country and created positive change. For you
to affect change, paint a bright vivid picture of the problem already solved
and share this with as many people as you can.”
Scientists have
somehow shown that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. I invite you now to
join me in the challenge to go 21 days without speaking a single complaint;
wear a purple bracelet to do your part to transform the world by looking at
things in a positive light. Dale Carnegie says, “Any fool can criticize,
condemn, and complain- and most fools do”. Complaining is like bad breath- you
notice it when it comes out of other's mouths, but not your own. The idea
behind the purple bracelets that we will be passing out shortly is to learn to
hear your words and to create a ‘trap’ for your negativity. The bracelet will
eventually help serve as a filter for your thoughts, a reminder to monitor the
words you use to create your world. In fact, many people who have gone the 21
days without complaining, still wear their bracelets for that very reason.
(Lara and Marta
start passing out the bracelets)
So here’s how it
works:
1. Put
the bracelet on whichever wrist you’d like.
2. When
you catch yourself complaining, gossiping, or criticizing, move
the bracelet to the other arm and start over.
3. If
you hear someone else with a purple bracelet complaining, it’s ok to point out
that they need to switch their bracelet to the other arm; but if you are
going to do this, you have to move your bracelet first- because you are
complaining about their complaining.
4. Stay
with it. It may take a while to make 21 consecutive days- the average is
4-8 months.
Relax. We are only talking about complaints, criticism
and gossip that is spoken- only if it comes out of your mouth it counts. You
don’t have to switch your bracelet if you think it; but you will notice that
those thoughts will disappear as well.
Remember, this
is not a race to see who can go 21 days first, this is not a competition, this
is about taking the steps to change yourself; to change your thoughts in order
to create a happier, more peaceful world for yourself and those around you. You
are not trying to change anyone other than yourself! We must live what we want
others to learn, and if we want others to change, we must change first. There
is a saying, “if you want to clean up the entire world, begin by sweeping your
own doorstep”; or as Gandhi said, “You must be the change you wish to see in
the world”. You can be like the stone, thrown into a pond- causing the
ripples of change to wash across all those with whom you come into contact.
Is it easy? No.
It is, however, simple. Time will pass no matter what; will you spend yours
focusing your energy on that which you don’t want, or will you take the time to
change your life?
Let’s cover some
details- How do we know for sure it is a complaint? According to a complaint
free world . org:
1. The best way to tell if something is a complaint is to consider the intention behind it. For example, if you say, “It’s really hot today” or “The streets get slick when it rains,” you could merely be stating a fact. But if you’re saying it because you feel internal dissatisfaction about the heat or rain (for example, ‘I just HATE how hot it is out!’), then it’s a complaint. I saw this intention described as ‘how dare you do this to me’ energy, and I think that sums it up pretty well.
2. Watch your words. If you use negative adjectives to describe something, such as “bad,” “stupid,” “ridiculous,” etc, then you’re probably complaining.
3. Most gossip constitutes complaints. Gossip is OK only when the comment is complimentary, and if you’d repeat what you are saying, word for word, to the person’s face if he or she were present. If not, don’t say it.
4. Follow the old adage: “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”
Lily Tomlin once
said “Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”
Sometimes when
people first learn to stop complaining, they find themselves spending a lot
more time in silence. “one of the ways we know we’ve met a person who’s special
to us,” says Reverend Bowen, “ is the amount of time we can be with that person
with no words being spoken. We’re simply comfortable in their presence and
enjoy their company.” Endless chatter doesn’t improve our time with them, it
makes it less precious. Silence allows you to think about your words and to
choose only those things you want to put your energy toward; rather than fill
the uncomfortable silence with complaints. This can also be a good time to
meditate or pray- in fact you may want to say a ‘prayer’ before you speak: “let
my words be more constructive than destructive…”
I recommend
finding a friend to take up the challenge with you; a “Complaint Free Buddy”.
The function of this person is to support you, not to monitor you- you
don’t need someone telling you when you need to move your bracelet; you need
someone to help support you when you are moving your bracelet so much you want
to quit- someone to help you keep going, to help you to start over yet again,
whether it is day 2 or day 19 when you move your bracelet. I have some friends
who are more than happy to harass me just a bit when they notice that my
bracelet has moved to the other arm, providing a bit of motivation to NOT have
to move that purple silicon. A friend doing the challenge with you also helps
when additional ‘rules’ need to be identified or clarified- A friend of mine
recently took up the challenge; we use email, and instant messenger quite
frequently in my office, and we found ourselves often typing our complaints- it
didn’t come out of our mouths, so it doesn’t count, right? We decided that
typing a complaint is the equivalent to speaking it; the idea is to change, not
to find ‘loopholes’ in the challenge in order to continue the behavior we are
trying to change.
Trying to stop
complaining may be a bit difficult with the elections coming up, but I encourage
you to stay with it. Like M. H. Alderson once said; “If at first you don’t
succeed, you’re running about average.” Move the bracelet, and start over, move
the bracelet and start over… one day you will realize that you have not moved
your bracelet all day, and that you are one day closer to controlling your
thoughts.
As you work
toward 21 days, not only will you stop complaining, but those around you will
as well. We are all energy beings and energy that does not vibrate at the same
frequency does not harmonize. Like attracts like. You surround yourself with
people who are like you…. Are you surrounded by complainers? You will really
begin to notice this as you become more aware of your own complaining. If you
complain a lot, it’s ok, you are normal. But it is within you to be more than
normal, to be outstanding. When we go without complaining we create our lives
with intention, rather than by default. If you are with others who start
griping, don’t join in! People will begin to realize (consciously or not) that
they can either not complain, or they can do it elsewhere.
There are two
things that most people will agree about:
1- there is too
much complaining in the world, and 2-the state of the world is not the way we
would like it.
Hmmmm, think
there might be a correlation? We are focusing on what is wrong, rather than
focusing on a peace and harmony in the world. You are part of this now (by
putting on the purple bracelet)…again from Bowen, “you have answered your
soul’s call to stop being part of the problem and become part of the solution,
you can change the world by simply becoming an example of positive change… you
can bear the torch for a bright future for our children, you can be a healing
cell in the body of humanity.”
May it be so.
Closing words:
Margaret Mede said: Never
doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the
world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever does.
You can help create a complaint free world. Do it for those around you, do it because it
is a powerful first step toward world peace, do it for your children, and their
children; but mostly, do it for yourself.
Chalice Extinguish:
Thank you all for being the presence of Spirit.
Remember, there are
no such thing as ‘idle’ words.
You are creating your world with your words. Dream it, grab it, claim it… YOU DESERVE IT.
May Peace be with you.
Originally delivered 8.10.2008 at the Unitarian Fellowship of Lawrence
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